Lists

SkyMall Power Rankings: My Top 5 Family Friendly Products

Everyone who is anyone knows I have a serious obsession with SkyMall.

Well, lucky for me, they have a new contest out, and I could win the $500 gift card of my dreams if I vote for the best family friendly product the mile-high conglomerate has to offer.

But why, more importantly, HOW do I pick just one?  I mean this magazine is chock full of fun for everyone, I just can’t narrow it down.  It’s like when my mom asked me which birthday present I wanted to open first, and I just said, “All of them.”

Anyways, here is my list of the top 5 family friendly products:

5.  Cabana Islander

cabana

For those who can’t afford a personal private island, this is a must have second tier option.  Float in your pool, a lake, or the ocean and feel the breeze through magnificent cross ventilation due to the lack of doors.  But there’s a cooler!  Someone call Tom Hanks and tell him and Wilson to give me a credit card, because avoiding Helen Hunt for four years just got way more comfortable.

4.  Pushi Pushi Raincoat

push

If your dog isn’t wearing a raincoat, than you’re not doing enough to treat him or her like a human.  Dogs cannot, under any circumstances be left to face the elements unprotected.  It’s a little known fact that they will actually melt if water so much as touches their face.  Protect your dog, protect your life.

3.  Self-Watering Planters

plant

I can’t even remember to shower every day, how am I supposed to be responsible for the lifeline of a plant outside my door?  I am only concerned with things within a five foot radius of my person, it’s a personal bubble.  Sorry, ficus, you must water yourself.  Evolution is the key to success in life, adapt and move on, plants.

2.  Cam-O-Bunk

bunk

Sleepovers anywhere, anytime, anyplace.  Ever want to go to sleep but you’re worried about how you’re going to fit two people in such a small area?  Have no fear!  Just pop up this camo-bunk and not only will you be channelling Bear Grylls in the sheets (not dirty, get your mind out of the gutter) but you’ll be dreaming sweet vignettes of undercover covert ops, transforming your back yard into a slumbering battlezone.  Sleep on, soldier.

1.  Vinnibag

vin

I don’t know why I would even have to explain the importance of safe alcohol travel, but alas, I will.  Not only has alcohol manufacturing not evolved to adapt to the clumsiness of people like me who tend to have sweaty palms in awkward situations (that also tend to require alcohol), but bottles drop, glass breaks.  But not anymore, protect your bottle from damage with this inflatable protective bag. You can also use it for olive oil, but come on, wine is way more important than lubing up your pan for a piece of chicken.

There you have it, folks.  The definitive list of all things great in the family friendly production realm.  I’d like to thank SkyMall for its continued efforts in curating high quality, unique items for sale in the mile high skies.

I am forever entertained, and always excited to see what is in the next issue.

Stay classy, Internet.

Do you have a favorite SkyMall product?

How To Insult People: Game Of Thrones Edition

JonSnow020513

… and he knows nothing.

Are you ever in the midst of a battle of words and you just don’t know what to say?

Do you often find yourself searching your brain for the best insult, yet the only rebuttal you use is either “Your mom” or “That’s what she said?”

Well, my friend, you are in luck!  Because not only should everyone be well read in the game of insults, everyone should also be well read in The Game of Thrones!

Seriously, those books are fire flames, and Jon Snow is my literary husband and trueborn soulmate.  He just doesn’t know it yet, because he’s not real or on the same continent as me.

I digress.

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS BUT I DON’T GIVE A SHIT CAUSE I’VE READ THE BOOKS AND AM CLEARLY A SUPERIOR BEING. 

Here is how to insult people, Game of Thrones style:

  • Go back to your home on The Eyrie!
  • You’re so ugly, you look in the mirror and see Tyrion’s face.
  • You’re so poor, you don’t even have an account at the Iron Bank of Braavos.
  • You breastfed until you were eleven!
  • If I could throw you out a moon door, I would.
  • You’re so nasty that if you were a warg, all you could turn into was a piece of shit.
  • Your best friend is Moon Boy, you peasant.
  • I hate you so much, I would get the Tyrells to poison you.
  • You’re so ugly, Theon Greyjoy wouldn’t even take you for a salt wife.
  • You’re not even trueborn, bastard.
  • I’ll Ned Stark your ass.
  • Your sister is more of a man than you.
  • Varys has more sex than you.
  • I hope you have a red wedding.
  • The Starks have better luck than you.
  • You couldn’t hire a sellsword for a trial by combat.
  • I would marry you to Joffrey Baratheon if I could.
  • Melisandre would burn you at the stake.
  • Your face is uglier than the Hound’s.
  • You have sex with your sister.
  • Sansa Stark could beat you in a fight.
  • Your parents are blood relatives.
  • You fight with a wooden sword.
  • Hodor has a better vocabulary than you.
  • You’re as handy as Jaime Lannister.
  • Slaves don’t even listen to you.
  • You’re more in the closet than Loras Tyrell.
  • I hope dragons fry all your livestock to a crisp.
  • Unsullied have bigger penises that you.
  • No one would pay ransom for you.
  • You’re so worthless, the Night’s Watch wouldn’t even take you.
  • Samwell Tarley can run faster than you.
  • Aemon Targaryen has better eyesight than you.
  • Your teeth are so big, a Dothraki wouldn’t even ride you.
  • You’re so deep in the friend zone, Jorah Mormont feels bad for you.
  • You’re so dumb, they should cut your tongue out so you can’t speak.
  • You’re as hard as Theon Greyjoy.
  • You know less than Jon Snow.

Special thanks to Bryan (@BesusHChrist) and Matt (@mmang0), both of whom feverishly fired insults at me to fatten up my list.

What’s your favorite insult?

Fourth of Ju-LIES.

Happy Independence Day, America!

Here are some lies you can tell to all your friends today while you’re BBQing and drinking and being merry:

  • I’m not drunk.
  • This burger isn’t charcoaled to death.
  • I like your mother.
  • You look great in that dress.
  • No, I don’t mind driving.
  • I love traffic.
  • It’s a great day to go for a run.
  • Sure, I’d love to stop drinking.
  • A house without air conditioning is completely acceptable.
  • I don’t need any coffee, I’ll just wake up naturally.
  • I love wearing shoes that are a little too small.
  • You’re right, I don’t want to eat fourteen hot dogs today.
  • Fireworks are dumb.
  • I can name all of the presidents of the United States.
  • It’s totally cool that you wore non-patriotic colors to this party.
  • Parades are awesome.
  • If you asked me which square state was Kansas, I could tell you.
  • I love that there are small children at this adult gathering.
  • Could you please put your baby closer to my ear and let him scream in it?
  • Yes, I would love to babysit.
  • Sometimes, I could count my caloric intake and not be upset about it.
  • No thanks, I don’t want another beer.
  • I’d love to give you my sunglasses since you were too aloof to remember yours.
  • Those pants don’t make you look fat.
  • I love my wife.
  • I love my husband.
  • I love my children.
  • I love politics.
  • I hate my dog.
  • I wish I had less money.
  • Vacations are stupid, let’s all just work forever.
  • Hold on, I am overjoyed to answer this work email on a national holiday.
  • No, I didn’t forget to put on sunscreen, my skin just tends to run a little red.
  • I understand what the fourth of July means to America, and it’s not about beer and bbqs.
  • I have a very sound understanding of European geography.
  • I could name all fifty states and capitols.
  • Everyone can count to ten in spanish.
  • I broke 1000 on my SATs.
  • Luckily, I got into the college I wanted.
  • My friends don’t think I’m a jackass.
  • I’m really good looking.
  • People don’t know it, but I’m exactly where I want to be in life.
  • I wish my grandparents would come and lecture me on what independence really means.

Happy Fourth! Hope you don’t actually tell any lies, but have a great time with friends and family!!

The Ten Best Things People Googled To Get To This Blog

Google is a weird place.  So are brains.  Here are the ten best things people have googled that led them to this blog:

1. When someone eats all my food

I’ve been trying to figure this out my entire life.  Google can’t help you buddy, having a stomach that is a bottomless pit is a gift and a burden, you just gotta deal with it and go for that second family size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.  Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

2. Chipotle sucks

This makes sense, seeing as we were at war not too long ago.  But I have since pledged my allegiance to the burrito men of Chipotle and have safely secured my spot back on the wagon of love.  Now, I must go get me a burrito bowl, I’M HUNGRY.

3. Deformed toes

Probably could have used google image search for this one.  I am also extremely sorry for your deformity, I can relate.  I have one too.

4. “Nice goggles, eh?”

Yes, they are very nice.  I got them on sale.

5. Christina Aguilera is half white half what?

It doesn’t matter.  She’s still waiting on when her reflection will show who she is inside.  #Mulan

6. But what’s different about Wednesday?

I’ll tell you what’s different, the goddamn spelling.  Ever try teaching a kid how to spell Wednesday and also explain why there is a phantom N just chillin’ in the middle of the word?  It doesn’t make sense.  You suck, Wednesday.

7. Justin Timberlake frosted tips

So much yes.  You don’t need google for this one, here you go:

drool.

drool.

 

8. 3rd grade girls playing

I don’t want to know who googled this or what the purpose was.  I’m terrified.

9. Justin Beiber & Selena

Power couple. Scorned lovers.  Epic romance.  Horrible tattoos.  I’m also still trying to figure out what it is exactly that Selena Gomez does.

10. Girlfriend not texting back

You got bigger fish to fry if you’re asking google why she won’t text you back.  Starting with a real human being would be my suggestion, but hey, it worked in that movie, Her, it could work for you.

 

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever googled?

The (real) 10 Reasons I Never Had A Boyfriend

If you’re reading this hoping I’ll finally come out as a lesbian after all these years, I’m sorry for your inevitable disappointment.  I do, in fact, still like men.  A lot.

Recently, I expressed my differentiating opinions on the things everyone thinks on their first date, and I figured it was time that I responded to another article.  This one is not nearly as ridiculous, and I don’t think this girl is crazy, rather she is just not telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Thought Catalog tends to post uplifting, motivating articles about feminist pride, relationships, and confidence boosting lists.  And yes, I love it.  I’m completely guilty of going forty pages back on my lunch break, having my eyes glued to the screen wondering what the Eight Ways to Make A Failing Relationship Work While You’re Living In A Treehouse could possibly be.

But my friends, I am also a realist, a truth teller, and a lover of self-deprecating humor.

I read this article and identified with it.  I liked her reasons, but felt they lacked authenticity and anecdotal support from the late bloomer’s perspective.

So, I am here to save the day (not really), and embarrass myself beyond all belief when I tell you the real ten reasons I never had a boyfriend.

1.  I was ugly. 

I’ve talked about myself being a late bloomer many times.  I am not joking, if I could invent the teleport I would go back to 200-2009 and slap myself in the face every single day for nine years.  A girl that looks like she was just attacked by her brother’s wardrobe and willingly went to a school dance afterwards will not get a boyfriend.

Oh, but she has such a good personality!  Save it.  We all know that doesn’t have any weight in the game of puberty.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit A.

2.  I have a resting bitch face.

Apparently, I am unapproachable because I look pissed off all the time.  I guess people tend to stay away from girls that look like they are going to murder your first born or steal your puppy if your leave it outside while you’re in line at Starbucks getting your $14 frappe venti mochacochalino.

3.  My best friend was better looking than me.

And I’m not saying this out of jealousy.  I mean, this girl was freaking beautiful.  How am I supposed to reel in a classy lad when I have a genetically impossible broad traveling with me wherever I go?  Did I mention she has a heart of gold?  Yeah, no way I could compete with that.

4.  I liked people out of my league.

I tried telling Leo DiCaps it would work between us.  But I guess when you aim that high in the relationship department, there is nothing to expect but failure, defeat, and disappointment.

5.  I don’t understand social cues.

I don’t know why you invited me to prom with you, but I can sure as hell assume that it’s not because you wanted to hook up with me.

6.  I drove a Ford Taurus.

Try picking up a dude while you’re rolling through the parking lot in this.

Exhibit C.

Exhibit B.

7.  I am a terrible looking eater.

No one wants to take out the girl that not only immediately tucks her napkin into her shirt to create a makeshift bib, but one that looks like she wanted to wear the spaghetti sauce after she was done eating despite her napkin neck protector.

8.  I’m not good at feelings.

See here.

9.  I was fat.

I had cankles when I came back from studying abroad.  Guys couldn’t tell where my boobs ended and my stomach began.

Exhibit C.

Exhibit C.

10.  Everyone thought I was a prude.

People assumed I didn’t hook up with anyone, so why should they try?  Nothing worse for a guy than putting in all this effort with a girl and getting denied multiple times after sexual advances.

Bonus:  I eventually figured all these things out and obtained me a high quality, grade A piece of man meat.  Even though my face still rests pretty bitchy, I guess figuring out social cues was a step in the right direction.  And he’s apparently really into the Ford Taurus VW Jetta.

How To Determine If You’re Lazy

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you may be lazy.

If you answer yes to all of these questions, you may be my twin, so call me.  We can sit on the couch and try and send each other telepathic notes because we’re too lazy to speak.

10-things-you-can-t-change-about-him-no-matter-how-hard-you-try-1494275974-jul-10-2012-600x335

my man!

You might be lazy if…

  • You watch the commercials because the remote is on the table
  • You don’t brush your teeth because you just left the bathroom and don’t want to go back.
  • You eat any combination of breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert/snacks/drinks for meals because you have not gone grocery shopping in a month.
  • You go rogue at the grocery store because you left your list in your car.
  • You go up and down every aisle in the grocery store because you did bring your list with you, it’s just at the bottomless pit that is your purse.
  • You imagine working out in your head, and then convince yourself that you actually did it.
  • You don’t want to answer a text message because it’s a lot of effort to type.
  • You stay in on the weekends because hanging out in no pants is a lot easier than getting dolled up.
  • You choose to wear your glasses because putting contacts in your eyeballs means then applying make up.
  • You don’t make your bed, you just pull your comforter up to the top in order to cover the sheets.
  • You don’t even pull up your comforter.
  • You wear a sports bra because you slept in it and didn’t want to change.
  • You don’t even wear a bra.
  • You avoid doing laundry because it means getting up.
  • You think showering is a chore rather than a necessity.
  • You play the neutral game in your car because you don’t fill up your gas tank.
  • You roll 10 feet over to the garbage can because your chair has wheels.
  • You don’t make food on the weekends because delivery comes to you.
  • You’d rather watch a movie because it cuts down the amount of time you’ll have to use the remote.
  • You don’t exercise.
  • You can’t finish simple tasks.
  • You call other people while you’re in your house to bring you things two rooms away.
  • You email you mom asking about your insurance information, even though you have a card in your wallet.
  • You use dry shampoo and perfume before you walk out the door and then tell your friends you were late because you were showering.
  • You consider exercise walking to the kitchen and back.
  • You clean your room by putting things in piles and then hiding them under things.
  • You put small bags of garbage into bigger garbage bags instead of throwing them in the dumpster.
  • You see how many times you can get away with wearing the same shirt/pants combination before someone questions your hygiene.
  • You would rather take a nap than deal with the fact that you haven’t eaten in four hours.
  • You use paper plates because all the clean ones are in the dishwasher.
  • You use your hands as a plate because you have no paper plates because you used them all due to the clean ones being in the dishwasher.
  • You go to Costco specifically to get lunch from all the free samples.
  • You didn’t finish this list because you fell asleep.
  • You didn’t finish this list because you’re me and didn’t want to think of any more scenarios.

 

42 Things Everyone Is Thinking While They’re Shopping At Walmart

… or at Target, KMart, Costco or any other variety superstore that requires a list, a plan, and a hefty dose of patience.

  1.  Do I need a cart?
  2. I should probably get a cart.
  3. Damnit, I’m getting a basket. Even though they hurt my arms; the handles aren’t very plush.
  4. Okay, where’s my list? Did I bring my list? Dammit, guess I’m going rogue.
  5. I’m not buying sale items, I’m only here for the essentials.
  6. OH! Look! 50% off bathing suits!
  7. Focus.
  8. Without a list, I’m just going to go down every aisle in case I miss something.
  9. Wait, I’ll stop in the greeting card section for a minute… or twelve.
  10. Honestly, who just LEAVES their cart in the middle of the aisle?
  11. If it’s empty, I can take it, right?
  12. Counting three, two, one. Okay, it’s mine.  Peace out, dumbass basket.
  13. Crap, this has a messed up wheel.  That’s why it was abandoned.
  14. WHERE THE HELL IS MY LIST?
  15. Did I bring my phone?
  16. I want to ride those display bicycles.
  17. Why is my cart squeaking?
  18. Okay, time to check out, I’ve been here too long.
  19. Why did I grab Twinkies AND Devil Dogs?
  20. So, which line looks fastest?
  21. Far left, far left. ATTACK, ATTACK.
  22. Fuck.  I should have gone right.
  23. I shouldn’t have spent so much time in the card aisle.  I always get sucked in.
  24. Are old people always asking questions about sales?
  25. That guy got in line at the same time as me, let’s have a race.
  26. He’s totally going to pay before me. Damnit.
  27. WHY ARE YOU DOING SEPARATE TRANSACTIONS, WOMAN?
  28. Should I switch lines?
  29. No, I’m committed now.
  30. Do I need a snack while I’m waiting?  I like Reeses.  OH, Butterfingers.
  31. I’ll read a magazine.  Is it cheating if I read it but don’t buy it?
  32. The stuff on the exit shelves look good, how do I buy that but stay in line?
  33. You actually don’t need an inflatable pool to put in your pool, get with it.
  34. WHY HAVE I NOT MOVED IN ONE HUNDRED MINUTES?
  35. She’s using pennines.  This old woman is paying in pennies.  I hate her.
  36. Someone get this woman a debit card!
  37. That guy is about to be at the register.  I can totally win this game.
  38. Scan away, cashier, scan away.
  39. I’ll load up my belongings on the conveyor belt, it will be helpful, and I always dreamed of ringing up items as a cashier when I was a child.
  40. Swipe!
  41. No thanks, I don’t want my receipt with four items and six thousand miles of coupons.
  42. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

What drives YOU insane when you’re shopping?

25 Things I Learned from 24.

unnamed

This could be the reason.

Today is my twenty-fifth birthday. Here is what I learned from the past year.  In list form.  Because I’m extremely hungover.

  1. Just because you are the loudest person in the room, doesn’t mean you deserve to be heard.
  2. Never pay full price for a baseball game ticket.  Wait a couple innings and scalp them for half price.
  3. Family is forever.   Suck it up, confront your problems, and get over it.
  4. Walking in heels should be an olympic sport.
  5. It’s better to have a small group of close friends, than a large group of acquaintances.
  6. People like to get married when you’re poor.
  7. If you sleep with someone the first time, you probably won’t get called back.
  8. Branch out and make new friends.  Just don’t forget about your old ones.
  9. Travel whenever you can.  Don’t be that person that regrets doing something because you didn’t want to spend the money.
  10. Grocery shopping doesn’t mean going to the CVS snack aisle.
  11. Find something you love, and then find time to do it on a consistent basis.
  12. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something.
  13. Unless its referring to parking your car in a tow away zone. Then you should listen to that.
  14. Boys have feelings too, whether they admit it or not.
  15. People aren’t going to be interested in your life unless you show an interest in theirs.
  16. Acting like a jackass is acceptable if you’re wearing an oversized, floppy hat.  #Regal.
  17. Don’t make a kissy duck face at a camera unless that camera is actually a live human being that you plan on kissing.
  18. Learn to be alone. Understanding your personal needs will only better every other aspect in your life.
  19. Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings.  Unless you’re afraid to talk about your feelings, then writing a strongly worded letter is a great secondary option.
  20. Landing your dream job doesn’t happen on the first try.
  21. Unless your dream job is to be unemployed, in which case, you’re in luck.
  22. Effective communication is a lost art.  People say what they don’t mean and mean what they don’t say.
  23. Rallying after day drinking is a lot harder once you have graduated college.
  24. Wine is acceptable to drink at all hours of the day.  Breakfast wine is badass and definitely not an early sign of alcoholism.
  25. Trust your instincts.  There’s a reason why you feel conflicted about eating street meat at 2am.

Things Boys Are Doing While They’re Not Texting You Back

You asked him about his thoughts on the color blue, and he hasn’t responded.  The nerve!

Here’s what he could be doing instead:

  • sleeping
  • rattling off sports statistics in a macho-off with his friends
  • eating pizza
  • doing hoodrat shit with his friends
  • watching baseball
  • watching basketball
  • watching football
  • watching hockey
  • watching any other sport in the world
  • watching sports center
  • reading ESPN.comgirlfriend-clingy-crazy-texting
  • eating burritos
  • googling pictures of Dwayne Wade
  • drinking beers with his friends
  • playing video games
  • playing basketball
  • playing football
  • playing baseball
  • playing golf
  • googling pictures of Kevin Durant
  • doing anything active
  • taking a nap
  • eating pasta
  • trying to figure out why you asked him that question
  • doing push ups
  • googling sports predictions for the upcoming season
  • watching porn
  • reading Barstool Sports
  • complaining that there is no one around to make him a sandwich
  • talking to someone on the phone
  • taking a shower
  • forgetting you texted him in the first place
  • researching the illuminati on wikipedia
  • grocery shopping
  • comparing who has bigger biceps among his friends
  • googling pictures of Mila Kunis
  • making fun of someone else in his group of friends
  • watching a movie
  • trying to figure out/understand the female psyche
  • actually doing work
  • dreaming out the next meal
  • talking in a weird accent
  • masturbating
  • googling pictures of sneakers
  • driving somewhere
  • not talking about his feelings
  • working out
  • watching videos of old people falling over on YouTube
  • eating lunch
  • eating breakfast
  • eating dinner
  • eating a snack
  • watching some more porn
  • refreshing that app that tells you all those sports scores and stats
  • googling pictures of LeBron James
  • pretending to work out while they check out other girls at the gym
  • figuring out where he left his cell phone
  • on his lunch break
  • enjoying some extra curricular activities
  • or he just doesn’t feel like answering your question because he feels no immediate need to respond as it will not directly benefit him in the near future

 

Honest Acceptance Speeches

Yeah, we all know you want to thank your parents, your family, and your fans.  But really, how can you forget all the things that really make the world go round?

First and foremost, I’d like to thank:

  • Bono, for single handedly fueling sales of blue polarized sunglasses.
  • Puppies, for teaching couples that kids are really going to be a lot of work.
  • Crunchy peanut butter, for diversifying the snack game.
  • Maxi dresses, for being my entire summer wardrobe.
  • Sunglasses, for allowing me to sneakily stare at people without being noticed.
  • Snuggies, for repurposing the bathrobe by simply wearing it backwards.
  • Text messages, for allowing me to ignore phone calls because “I can’t talk right now.”
  • Tattoos, for permanently reminding me of how stupid I am.
  • Beyonce, for being “everything,” so girls all over the world “literally can’t even” to the point that they “die.”
  • Grease, for clearly indicating when I need to shower.
  •  Barbecues, for giving everyone an excuse to eat and drink outside.
  • Scarves, for catching all my crumbs so I can save them for later.
  • Glasses, for allowing my eyeballs to be puffy with a barrier.
  • Air conditioning, for keeping me sane when it’s above 74 degrees.
  • Nick Lachey, for somehow staying relevant.
  • Dancing with the Stars, for cutting Kim Kardashian in the first week.
  • American Idol, for proving that The Voice is better.
  • Katy Perry, for comparing men to aliens, all while looking like an alien herself.
  • The Skinny Arm Pose, for making girls everywhere create triangles with their bodies.
  • Instagram, for giving everyone the option to look better than they actually do.
  • Push-Button Faucets, for showing me that I take too long to wash my hands.
  • The DMV, for teaching me that I have no patience.
  • The grocery store snack aisle, for your ability to make me forget and disregard everything I initially came to buy.
  • iPhone screenshot, for allowing me to capture inside jokes in text message threads and post them on social media, even though no one else will understand what it means.
  • Status updates, for letting me know that Carl from Florida is currently on his third episode of Hoarders with no plans of stopping anytime soon.
  • Spaghetti, for demonstrating that I am not an attractive eater.
  • Selfies, for letting the world know exactly what my face looks like at all hours of the day.
  • Buns, for somewhat salvaging my bad hair day.
  • Makeup, for making me look like a human being.
  • Accents, for blessing the world with imitation material.
  • Bret Michaels, for his commitment to the bandana cause.
  • Oreos, for being milk’s favorite cookie.

… And of course, last and certainly not least, I’d like to thank Leonardo DiCaprio, for being my imaginary husband and life partner.  You’re the best, babe.  I wouldn’t be here without all your love and support.

Stay classy.