Step Brothers Might Be Getting A Sequel So Here Are 4 More Movies That Should Follow

We’re going to the Catalina Fucking Wine Mixer!

Everyone get out your eyeballs, your most expandable pants and all of the alcohol you can fit into the crevices of your body because Step Brothers may be getting a sequel.

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[Insert comment about The Princess Diaries 3 getting a trilogy and me not mentioning it.]

[Insert rebuttal comment about how Anne Hathaway is my nemesis and I don’t like her face.]

Honestly, I was a bit hesitant to hear that one of my top five movies was getting the reboot treatment. If it’s anything like Ghosts of Sequels Past, it’s not going to be good. I mean, the odds are pretty much stacked against them.

Over here in the graveyard of “What The Fuck, Why Did You Ruin This Classic?” we have Anchorman 2, The Hangover 2/3, 22 Jump Street and an atrocity so horrible, I saved my eyeballs the equivalent to the plight of a thousand sandstorms,  Zoolander 2.

This is like becoming a thing now, though, right? Script writers today are basically just those dudes that leave to try and find a better hookup but come back to the bar at 2:30am and will hit on someone until they agree to go home with you (for the right price of about 30 million dollars, six red wines, and a trailer full of ONLY the green M&Ms).

I know, I know, but this one will be different. It’s 2016 and my new year’s resolution was to be positive. Or at least have better posture. I can’t remember, I’m slouching.

In hopes that Hollywood doesn’t totally screw this one up, here’s a list of four other Will Ferrell movies that could use a (good) reboot.

 

ELF

Need to see Buddy take on the country with the sole plot line being saving Mr. Narwhal from captivity. I like whales and I like them to be free. You go, Mr. Narwhal, you go.

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OLD SCHOOL

The only reason my dedication to ribbon dancing was validated was because of the majestic display of athleticism that Frank the Tank displayed in this movie. Plus, I honestly believe Blue was my boy and I need someone to avenge him.

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WEDDING CRASHERS

I feel like they forgot to mention Rule No. 88 – Make thy sequels whenst they are demanded. And someone give him some goddamn meatloaf for Pete’s sake.

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THE OTHER GUYS

I need this more because of Mark Walhberg and his abdominals, but also because Gator needs his Gat. But not immediately because Eva Mendez is a genetically impossible human that sometimes I just feel bad about myself.

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What movies would you like to see get a sequel?

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Will I Ever Love Anything As Much As My Boyfriend Loves Sports?

There are some relationships that are, for lack of a better term, enviable.

You know, the ones fueled by passion, commitment, humor and above all, trust. The ones that, at the end of the day, regardless of how much they fight, you know they’ll make up and be alright and continue to support each other.

This is how my boyfriend feels about sports.

Let’s just be clear, I definitely do not hate sports. I’ll sit and watch whatever ball is on television as long as there are a reasonable amount of snacks and alcohol in front of me.

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But there’s something seeing someone constantly have another person on their mind, wondering what they’re doing, checking their status updates and talking to his friends about what they’re doing next.

Because he knows how important investing into a relationship is and he’s proud to show off those who he supports.

baseballyankeefans

You know, the way he just KNOWS everything about every single player on the field, can recite their college teams, even high schools, without even looking up to the left to recall the memory.

Because he cares about them that much to know that to truly appreciate someone, you have to know where they came from.

excited-nets-fan-nba-fans

I see the passion he has for his fantasy football team, caring deeply about their injuries, yelling at them incessantly for missing catchable balls, touchdowns, and field goal opportunities.

Because he honestly sees their potential and he knows they can do better.

openeyes

It doesn’t matter where he is financially, he’s ready to double down and spend money when he may not exactly have a lot of it. He’s committed to being there every step of the way, from making it to the small games all the way up to the biggest of stages.

Because he knows he can trust them to show him a good time, even if his expectations don’t always match his reality.

mad-buckeye-fan

To know what it’s like to hate someone so much, swear to never come back to them again, but your bond, your loyalty is so strong, that you’re right back on the couch the next day watching that same team that ruined your life the night before.

Because he’s loyal and he’ll be there through the ups and downs. No matter what.

bears-thumbs-down

 

Now, that’s love.

Do I ever think I’ll love something more than my boyfriend loves sports?

To be honest, I think the answer is no.


What do you think? Do boys love sports more than anything else?

I’m Wearing Zombie Socks And Forgot To Wear Make Up To Work

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone! Nothing like some good old ‘undead’ foot fashion and my irresponsible mindset of a seven year old to forget to put on makeup before I left the house this morning.

Sorry to everyone who has seen my face today.  Actually, sorry to everyone who looks at me a lot, I’m making strides towards not looking like I just woke up… all the time. #Flawless

Click the picture for a direct link!

Click the picture for a direct link!

Anyways, here’s an article I wrote for Elite Daily chronicling the seven types of girls you will most likely meet tonight at your new year’s soiree. HAVE A READ! And have a safe, happy, and healthy new year. I love you, I mean it, and I wish I could adopt all of you and pay you for your friendship in slice and bake cookies.

This year has gone above and beyond what I thought it would. Compared to how I felt around this time last year, it is like night and day. It’s crazy how life can kick you in the ass for a year and then completely turn itself around.  It may seem so trivial, but be thankful for all the bad in your life; that way you’ll truly appreciate and respect and cherish the good.

And to show you how true that statement really is, here’s a picture on New Year’s Eve last year that someone captured after asking me the question, “If you could sum up 2013 in one blurry face, what would it look like?”

2013 = fireball and ugly face.

2013 = The Year of the Ugly Fireball Face

Happy New Year!


What are you doing for New Year’s Eve?

 

I’m Going On Tour, Who Wants An Autograph?

Line up, kids! It’s a limited time offer for Megyonce to write you an email that has absolutely nothing to do with anything and sign it by typing out my name all fancy like this just like when we were in sixth grade:

❤ MEgLaGo~*BlOgGiNG qUaSi-CeLEbRiTy .:*~

That’s a signature fit for a star if I’ve ever seen one.

So in the event that you got this far without closing your tab and rendering that previous thirty seconds of your life wasted – although, I really will write you an email, just contact me; TRY ME, I DARE YOU – I’m not really going on tour, mainly because I don’t have any talents other than being able to successfully steal bananas from my job without getting caught (yet).

A lot of people who know me, and some who don’t, ask me how I come up with things to write about on my blog.  The short and long answer is I really don’t know.

But that’s why I was overjoyed (yup, so full of joy!) when Taylor from A Cup of Tay asked me to participate in a Blog Tour, because maybe that means we can both finally find out together why I’m so weird and what really went down at my friend’s birthday party that made me think it was a good idea to put balloons in my shirt to simulate boobs in front of a room of strangers.

OH! HOW FANCY!

OH! HOW FANCY!

Anyways, let’s take a trip into my brain and figure out what’s going on up there, shall we?

What am I working on?

Well, I’m not currently working on anything. That sentence is so depressing, I just bought stock in both Ben and Jerrys and sweatpants. Yes, sweatpants have stock, and I just bought some.  If there is anything pressing on your mind that you want me to talk about, bitch about, cover, uncover, investigate, or complain about, please contact me on my About page, and I’ll most likely do it for free, for fun, for food, and definitely for money.

How does my work differ from others of its type/genre?

In general, I think I am pretty brutally honest about a lot of stuff that happens in life.  We all go through ups and downs, but I bring light to struggles and make everyone realize that no one ever has it all together, not even Rachel McAdams, and she’s 99.9% perfect.  I find humor in the mundane aspects of life after college. When everyone is telling you how to make life better – I see you Thought Catalog and Elite Daily – I try and focus on telling you that I’m having those same issues, and there probably isn’t an easy or reasonable solution for theM.

Why do I write what I do?

Honestly, it’s cathartic as hell. A lot of people have the gym, their work, reading, whatever it is that helps them find a release from the stresses of life, and I have created this space where I can bitch about all this stuff that’s happening to me and a lot of people my age, and it’s just such a relief.  Even if no one read this blog – YES MOM I KNOW YOU’RE READING #FanClubOfOne – it would still be a space that would some way or another be a standin for a diary.  And if I can help or relate to one other person with each post, then I’ve done my job.

How does my writing process work?

This is a question I’d like to know the answer to as well. I have no idea. I honestly will be walking to work, trip over something, or spill coffee on my shirt for the third time that day and just need to get something off my chest, and BAM, you have a post about how ugly I was as a child or how much of life is cleaning up messes regardless of how organized you are. I just kind of word vomit all over the page and hope at the end of all of it something coherent and English came out.  If not, well, I guess then I just found out I was subconsciously bilingual and that’s pretty cool.

BUT! Enough about me, I want you to read some other people!  I was supposed to find more than one person to take over this tour for me, but just like middle school, I’m short on friends.  But I found an awesome blog, and you need to take a looksy or else I’m adding cookie dough to my stock cart and that’s not a good look for anyone.
They do exercise.. and they look good, too.

They do exercise.. and they look good, too.

I want to pass the metaphorical baton to Colby and Tina from It’s A Marathon AND A Sprint. This blog is awesome and makes me feel all sorts of inadequate when it comes to exercising.  These women are motivational, hilarious, and totally amazing to keep up with.  Plus, if you’re anything like me, you’ll want to sign up for all the races all the time and see how much your body can handle.  It makes the wine that much more worthwhile. Now go give your eyes a challenge and read all their posts, I’ll time you.
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Do you want to participate in a blog tour? EMAIL ME (thehalfandhalfblog@gmail.com) for more information!

 

 

No, You Can’t Bring Your Life Size LeBron James Poster Into The Apartment.

My boyfriend and I recently decided to take the step towards cohabitation.

You know, living together. Under the same roof. Sharing a bathroom. Letting him have access to my Netflix queue. And mostly, trying not to fight about whose turn it was to eat the leftover burrito from Chipotle.

So with great decisions, comes great responsibility: like figuring out what will and will not make the journey from our separate living quarters into the one we will share.

All the sudden, I’m having flashbacks to kindergarten, my teacher preaching from the pulpit sermons of compromise and open communication.  I’m begrudgingly trying to set aside my dreams of having my apartment look like a floor model from Home Goods, slowly realizing that this step is something that needs to be taken together, bringing in elements and pieces from our pasts in order to build our future.

But that doesn’t mean there is going to be putting a nine-foot tall cardboard cut-out of LeBron James in my entryway. Not on my watch.

And in an effort to not totally deter all men from moving in with women because they won’t allow sports trinkets to sneak into their boxes, I’ve realized there’s a list of things girls probably should avoid if they want to make this transition a happy, healthy, and lasting one.

When living with your significant other, keep these things in mind:

The bathroom is a sacred place and he’s going to be in there a lot.  While girls tend to get a bad reputation for taking too long to get ready, boys have a tendency to spend the better part of a year in the bathroom with no consequences attached.

Make sure your bathroom is neat, organized, and promotes healthy cleaning habits.  With that being said, it’s probably a good idea not to have the main bathroom decoration be a collection of tampons of varying shapes and sizes.

Along the same lines, having a calendar is a good way to keep track of when you and your significant other will be in and out of the city.  You can each have a color marker and a corresponding color-coded key.  You’ll have so much fun adding all the different appointments you both have throughout the month if you have OCD, like me, or are just a twenty-five year old who still appreciates coloring.

This calendar, however, would not be an ideal place to mark when your Time of the Month is taking place with big, red X’s along with a corresponding color-coded key that says they mean you probably won’t have sex that week.

Decorating is the shit. I mean, girls practically pee their pants at the thought of bringing in new patterns, textures and colors to their living rooms. Moving into a place with your boyfriend pretty much signifies you’ve almost entered adulthood, so you’ll want your new place to look sophisticated as hell.

Decorative pillows are a fun way to infuse color into a room without going overboard.  These decorative pillows should not be in the form of stuffed animals that were given to you by ex-boyfriends on past Valentine’s Days.

Chandeliers are classy.  But chandeliers solely consisting of old Beyonce cds and candles you used for that seance at a sleepover when you were seventeen are not a way to signify you’re a high class broad.

Physically living with your boyfriend means you don’t have to have pictures of you and him together littering your apartment.  This does not mean you should have pictures of your exes around your apartment in frames labeled “Memories” and “Good Times.”

Coffee tables are a great place to establish yourself as a cultured, well-read human being.  Avoid having Cosmopolitan be the only magazine allowed in the apartment.

Above all, respect each other. That’s like important, I think.


Do you have any tips for moving in with a significant other?

The ABCs of Boredom

Bored_Cat_Is_Bored

Because I was definitely not bored when I made this list:

 And, I need a nap.  A long nap.  Even a short nap will do.

B – Biting my nails.

C – Craigslist.  Just to see what’s for free… or for sale… or who missed a connection.

D – DOODLING!

– Eating so much food even though I’m not hungry.

F – Facebook stalking so well that I could get hired by the FBI.

G – Googling random facts to up my trivia IQ.

– How many of my feet could fit inside Shaq’s shoe?

– Is it Friday? Oh, it’s Saturday?  Crap.

J – Justifying my Pinterest addiction with having extra time.

K – Kidding, I don’t have extra time, I’m just actively avoiding doing things I don’t want to do.

L – Lunch time.  It’s almost lunch time.

M -Making lists just so I can cross off things I’ve already accomplished.

N – Netflix, just give me what I want.  Become a crystal ball.

O – On the seventh day, God created boredom.  I think?  Or maybe he was bored and that’s why he created Sunday.  Someone please clarify.

P – Pretending to do something in order to look busy.

Q – Questionable search history may lead to termination.

R – Red wine, in my belly, soon, please. Yes.

S – Sporcle.com

– Texting.  Texting anyone who will respond to me.  Someone, please respond to me.

U – Underestimated how long it would take to write this list.

V – Very tempted to clean something.  But not.

W – When is an appropriate time to have another snack?

X X is a stupid letter.

Y Yesterday went by so much quicker.

Z – Zen, bitches.


What do you do when you’re bored?

Can Someone Please Help Me With Bathroom Etiquette?

UntitledReal talk, I have no idea how I am supposed to act in a communal bathroom.

I’m not even going to lie, I immediately go into the handicap stall if it’s free.  A more spacious experience is a better one, in my opinion.

I could be missing the bigger picture here, mostly because I am not handicapped.  I do feel guilty, but at the same time, I don’t like small spaces because I was locked in a suitcase and a bathroom when I was younger.

Do I just suck it up and sacrifice space for sanity?  Or do I go for the gold and ignore the haters hoping to all heavens that someone doesn’t wheel in with the burning need to release their bladder?

Then if you are in the bathroom and you hear people come in, you have to look at the feet, right?  You need to know who it is, and if you do know who it is, is it weird to say hello?  No one wants eye contact through the stalls, that’s awkward as hell.  Keep your head down, analyze the foot traffic and make an assessment.

Does knowing who people are by their feet make you a weirdo?  Asking for a friend. 

If you do know the person, but only a little bit, you’re not obligated to talk to them while you’re washing your hands right?  It’s like the rules of elevator etiquette apply here.  A nice, firm “hello!” and then a quick wash of the hands and be on your way.

My reasoning is because after you do establish a small talk conversation where you both mutually agree that it is either warm or cold outside and you wish that the week was over, it just becomes an awkward hang out until one of the two of you decide what safe topic to discuss next.

Do I have to make small talk in the bathroom with someone I barely know?

I get that after twenty-five years, these rules should have been clear.  But honestly, I’m navigating the sea of life, and I find myself severely off course more times than I can count.

All I do know is that you never, under any circumstances use the first stall.

Please help me.

The Ten Best Things People Googled To Get To This Blog

Google is a weird place.  So are brains.  Here are the ten best things people have googled that led them to this blog:

1. When someone eats all my food

I’ve been trying to figure this out my entire life.  Google can’t help you buddy, having a stomach that is a bottomless pit is a gift and a burden, you just gotta deal with it and go for that second family size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.  Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

2. Chipotle sucks

This makes sense, seeing as we were at war not too long ago.  But I have since pledged my allegiance to the burrito men of Chipotle and have safely secured my spot back on the wagon of love.  Now, I must go get me a burrito bowl, I’M HUNGRY.

3. Deformed toes

Probably could have used google image search for this one.  I am also extremely sorry for your deformity, I can relate.  I have one too.

4. “Nice goggles, eh?”

Yes, they are very nice.  I got them on sale.

5. Christina Aguilera is half white half what?

It doesn’t matter.  She’s still waiting on when her reflection will show who she is inside.  #Mulan

6. But what’s different about Wednesday?

I’ll tell you what’s different, the goddamn spelling.  Ever try teaching a kid how to spell Wednesday and also explain why there is a phantom N just chillin’ in the middle of the word?  It doesn’t make sense.  You suck, Wednesday.

7. Justin Timberlake frosted tips

So much yes.  You don’t need google for this one, here you go:

drool.

drool.

 

8. 3rd grade girls playing

I don’t want to know who googled this or what the purpose was.  I’m terrified.

9. Justin Beiber & Selena

Power couple. Scorned lovers.  Epic romance.  Horrible tattoos.  I’m also still trying to figure out what it is exactly that Selena Gomez does.

10. Girlfriend not texting back

You got bigger fish to fry if you’re asking google why she won’t text you back.  Starting with a real human being would be my suggestion, but hey, it worked in that movie, Her, it could work for you.

 

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever googled?

The Friday Five: My Favorite Posts of the Week

Each week, I’ll be listing off my favorites from all the wonderful blogs I follow.  I mean, if I love you, why shouldn’t the rest of the world?  So, without further adieu, here are the posts that really got my attention this week!

Friday Favorites

Friday Favorites

Pinstripes and Lipgloss:  How To Handle Being the “Other Woman” In Your Boyfriend’s Bromance

Taylor of P&L (just created that little abbreev right there, sorry Taylor!) writes a great post about dealing with your boyfriends’ bromancing ways, and how to keep a great balance between relationships and friendships.

Something on being a twenty-something:  Disregarding the notion of virginity

This post wonderfully explores the idea of virginity, and how ‘losing it’ doesn’t always have to be significant.

Routine Dreamer:  How Technology Ruins Social Interaction.

Loved this post on technology and how it has seriously influenced how people, for lack of a better word, communicate with each other in today’s social world.  Great read that really makes you think about how addicted you are to your phone, and how easy it is to hide behind a computer screen!

Tipsy Lit:  The Whisper Game

Nicole writes an extremely relatable post for anyone who has worked in the service industry on dealing with customers who value their time above, well, everyone elses.

Life As Jamie Writes It: Why girls love Instagram

I didn’t think people needed to know why girls love Instagram.  But they do. They really do. And Jamie does a great job at explaining it to the people who just don’t get it.

BONUS: Five Reasons with Meg Lago

Well, didn’t think I was going to do this little post without doing a little shameless self-promotion?  Oh, you did?  Well, sorry I’m not sorry.  Read this little post I wrote as my alcoholic nerd alter-ego over at Tipsy Lit.


Do you have a favorite post from this week?  Submit it in a comment and maybe I’ll feature it next Friday!

https://thehalfandhalfblog.com/press/

ATTENTION: Here’s What The Tabloids Are Saying

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No press is bad press, right?

I’ve been doing some research and on most famous websites, they have a tab appropriately titled, “Press” where a visitor will click to see what the media has said about their work.

I didn’t want to be left out of the loop, so I reached out to a few of my besties asking for comments and statements about my writing so I can fill out my Press tab, and ultimately skyrocket myself to stardom.

If you’re wondering if any of these statements were fabricated, the answer is: How dare you doubt my connections with Justin Timberlake and Chuck Norris! No, they are not made up.

Oprah really dubbed me the next Plato, and NSync really did write that song about me.

I’m sorry to all those teenage girls who thought they were special and assumed it was written about them; you weren’t and Lance Bass is still gay.

If you’d be so inclined, hop on over to my brand, spankin’, new Press tab, and let me know what you think!  

… please click that link…

SIDENOTE: If anyone would like me to drum up a quote for a personal Press tab on their blog, please let me know, I am more than willing to give glowing, over-embellished reviews, statements, and comments, especially if I can include profanity and my affinity for BBQ sauce. 

 

If you were to write a press release about your blog, what would people say?