Google is a weird place. So are brains. Here are the ten best things people have googled that led them to this blog:
1. When someone eats all my food
I’ve been trying to figure this out my entire life. Google can’t help you buddy, having a stomach that is a bottomless pit is a gift and a burden, you just gotta deal with it and go for that second family size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.
2. Chipotle sucks
This makes sense, seeing as we were at war not too long ago. But I have since pledged my allegiance to the burrito men of Chipotle and have safely secured my spot back on the wagon of love. Now, I must go get me a burrito bowl, I’M HUNGRY.
3. Deformed toes
Probably could have used google image search for this one. I am also extremely sorry for your deformity, I can relate. I have one too.
4. “Nice goggles, eh?”
Yes, they are very nice. I got them on sale.
5. Christina Aguilera is half white half what?
It doesn’t matter. She’s still waiting on when her reflection will show who she is inside. #Mulan
6. But what’s different about Wednesday?
I’ll tell you what’s different, the goddamn spelling. Ever try teaching a kid how to spell Wednesday and also explain why there is a phantom N just chillin’ in the middle of the word? It doesn’t make sense. You suck, Wednesday.
7. Justin Timberlake frosted tips
So much yes. You don’t need google for this one, here you go:
8. 3rd grade girls playing
I don’t want to know who googled this or what the purpose was. I’m terrified.
9. Justin Beiber & Selena
Power couple. Scorned lovers. Epic romance. Horrible tattoos. I’m also still trying to figure out what it is exactly that Selena Gomez does.
10. Girlfriend not texting back
You got bigger fish to fry if you’re asking google why she won’t text you back. Starting with a real human being would be my suggestion, but hey, it worked in that movie, Her, it could work for you.