Happy Independence Day, America!
Here are some lies you can tell to all your friends today while you’re BBQing and drinking and being merry:
- I’m not drunk.
- This burger isn’t charcoaled to death.
- I like your mother.
- You look great in that dress.
- No, I don’t mind driving.
- I love traffic.
- It’s a great day to go for a run.
- Sure, I’d love to stop drinking.
- A house without air conditioning is completely acceptable.
- I don’t need any coffee, I’ll just wake up naturally.
- I love wearing shoes that are a little too small.
- You’re right, I don’t want to eat fourteen hot dogs today.
- Fireworks are dumb.
- I can name all of the presidents of the United States.
- It’s totally cool that you wore non-patriotic colors to this party.
- Parades are awesome.
- If you asked me which square state was Kansas, I could tell you.
- I love that there are small children at this adult gathering.
- Could you please put your baby closer to my ear and let him scream in it?
- Yes, I would love to babysit.
- Sometimes, I could count my caloric intake and not be upset about it.
- No thanks, I don’t want another beer.
- I’d love to give you my sunglasses since you were too aloof to remember yours.
- Those pants don’t make you look fat.
- I love my wife.
- I love my husband.
- I love my children.
- I love politics.
- I hate my dog.
- I wish I had less money.
- Vacations are stupid, let’s all just work forever.
- Hold on, I am overjoyed to answer this work email on a national holiday.
- No, I didn’t forget to put on sunscreen, my skin just tends to run a little red.
- I understand what the fourth of July means to America, and it’s not about beer and bbqs.
- I have a very sound understanding of European geography.
- I could name all fifty states and capitols.
- Everyone can count to ten in spanish.
- I broke 1000 on my SATs.
- Luckily, I got into the college I wanted.
- My friends don’t think I’m a jackass.
- I’m really good looking.
- People don’t know it, but I’m exactly where I want to be in life.
- I wish my grandparents would come and lecture me on what independence really means.
Happy Fourth! Hope you don’t actually tell any lies, but have a great time with friends and family!!
10 thoughts on “Fourth of Ju-LIES.”
Haha – love this! I was wondering about where people stand on your last bullet point earlier actually. As an outsider looking in, everyone always appears so patriotic about the importance of 4th July! 🙂
I don’t think a lot of people could give you a historical background, unfortunately!
HAHA!! This is great!
Thank you! And thanks for sharing it 🙂
“I checked the expiration date on that chicken.”
But I DID break 1000 on my SAT! I PROMISE!
… Me too!
hahaha awesome stufff