I’m Wearing Zombie Socks And Forgot To Wear Make Up To Work

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone! Nothing like some good old ‘undead’ foot fashion and my irresponsible mindset of a seven year old to forget to put on makeup before I left the house this morning.

Sorry to everyone who has seen my face today.  Actually, sorry to everyone who looks at me a lot, I’m making strides towards not looking like I just woke up… all the time. #Flawless

Click the picture for a direct link!

Click the picture for a direct link!

Anyways, here’s an article I wrote for Elite Daily chronicling the seven types of girls you will most likely meet tonight at your new year’s soiree. HAVE A READ! And have a safe, happy, and healthy new year. I love you, I mean it, and I wish I could adopt all of you and pay you for your friendship in slice and bake cookies.

This year has gone above and beyond what I thought it would. Compared to how I felt around this time last year, it is like night and day. It’s crazy how life can kick you in the ass for a year and then completely turn itself around.  It may seem so trivial, but be thankful for all the bad in your life; that way you’ll truly appreciate and respect and cherish the good.

And to show you how true that statement really is, here’s a picture on New Year’s Eve last year that someone captured after asking me the question, “If you could sum up 2013 in one blurry face, what would it look like?”

2013 = fireball and ugly face.

2013 = The Year of the Ugly Fireball Face

Happy New Year!


What are you doing for New Year’s Eve?

 

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Life Rule #46: Always Keep Your Fat Pants From College.

Much like the time I came home for the holidays and instead of saying I looked great, my mom could only muster the phrase, “Meg! You look… different.”

And different, folks, came in the form of cankles, a beer belly, and one too many trips to the dessert buffet at the dining hall.

This past halloween was the first time I was actually happy about the fact that I gained 20 lbs freshman year of college because I spent more time face deep in the all-you-can-eat dining halls rather than in books.

I have since lost the dreaded freshman twenty and leveled out to my normal frame.  And much like other people who achieve a big goal, I kept a memento to show me that I never want to go back to that place.  Which is also why I keep the ticket stub to Panic Room, because I never want to revisit that film in my lifetime, and need a tangible reminder that I still disliked Kristen Stewart at a young age.

Keep the hate flame hot, kids.

Anyways, I kept my fat pants from college, the ones I wore when I was my heaviest, and put them in my pants drawer to remind myself how far I’ve come. I never really took the time to look at them, keeping them folded up and put away was enough of a reminder for me.  I absolutely never intended to wear them again.

That was until brilliance struck me in the form of me literally being the cheapest person on the planet when it comes to Halloween costumes. Sure, I like dressing up as much as anyone, but cut to the part in my life where I go to Costco to eat a free sample lunch so I don’t spend money, and this holiday goes from doable to I hate my life in three seconds.

Also, since I like to be a pioneer and slutty costumes are generally frowned upon in an office setting, I decided that the best, most efficient option for Halloween was for me to dress up like a man.

And not just any man, Rob Dyrdek.

I was a HUGE fan of Rob and Big when I was in high school.  My friend, Megan, and I would watch marathons of it on weekends and just die laughing.  They were hysterical.  Plus, my friend Chris was the perfect partner for this costume, so we would totally kill two birds with one stone.

I finally had a place to wear my fat pants and finally got to live out a day in the life of a male. It was GLORIOUS.

#methodacting

#methodacting

But the best part about this whole day was when I was a social media addict and decided to tweet at both Rob Dyrdek AND Big Black to see if they would acknowledge my existence.  Much to my surprise and all to my shock and awe, THEY DID.

Then we went viral.  Well, viral in my terms.

RD

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER – @meg_lago

We got both of them to acknowledge us and I don’t know how Halloween will ever be greater than October 31, 2014. It was a day for the books and one I will never forget.

Moral of the story is, keep your fat pants.  Keep that old, baggy sweatshirt that may come in handy when you want to dress up like anyone who wears a sweatshirt.  Just keep all of it.  Aside from it reminding you of a you you don’t want to remember (wait, what?), they could come in handy when you decide you want to dress like a man for a day and tweet at a B-list celebrity.


What were you for Halloween? Has a celebrity ever tweeted at you? Am I insane?

I’m Going On Tour, Who Wants An Autograph?

Line up, kids! It’s a limited time offer for Megyonce to write you an email that has absolutely nothing to do with anything and sign it by typing out my name all fancy like this just like when we were in sixth grade:

❤ MEgLaGo~*BlOgGiNG qUaSi-CeLEbRiTy .:*~

That’s a signature fit for a star if I’ve ever seen one.

So in the event that you got this far without closing your tab and rendering that previous thirty seconds of your life wasted – although, I really will write you an email, just contact me; TRY ME, I DARE YOU – I’m not really going on tour, mainly because I don’t have any talents other than being able to successfully steal bananas from my job without getting caught (yet).

A lot of people who know me, and some who don’t, ask me how I come up with things to write about on my blog.  The short and long answer is I really don’t know.

But that’s why I was overjoyed (yup, so full of joy!) when Taylor from A Cup of Tay asked me to participate in a Blog Tour, because maybe that means we can both finally find out together why I’m so weird and what really went down at my friend’s birthday party that made me think it was a good idea to put balloons in my shirt to simulate boobs in front of a room of strangers.

OH! HOW FANCY!

OH! HOW FANCY!

Anyways, let’s take a trip into my brain and figure out what’s going on up there, shall we?

What am I working on?

Well, I’m not currently working on anything. That sentence is so depressing, I just bought stock in both Ben and Jerrys and sweatpants. Yes, sweatpants have stock, and I just bought some.  If there is anything pressing on your mind that you want me to talk about, bitch about, cover, uncover, investigate, or complain about, please contact me on my About page, and I’ll most likely do it for free, for fun, for food, and definitely for money.

How does my work differ from others of its type/genre?

In general, I think I am pretty brutally honest about a lot of stuff that happens in life.  We all go through ups and downs, but I bring light to struggles and make everyone realize that no one ever has it all together, not even Rachel McAdams, and she’s 99.9% perfect.  I find humor in the mundane aspects of life after college. When everyone is telling you how to make life better – I see you Thought Catalog and Elite Daily – I try and focus on telling you that I’m having those same issues, and there probably isn’t an easy or reasonable solution for theM.

Why do I write what I do?

Honestly, it’s cathartic as hell. A lot of people have the gym, their work, reading, whatever it is that helps them find a release from the stresses of life, and I have created this space where I can bitch about all this stuff that’s happening to me and a lot of people my age, and it’s just such a relief.  Even if no one read this blog – YES MOM I KNOW YOU’RE READING #FanClubOfOne – it would still be a space that would some way or another be a standin for a diary.  And if I can help or relate to one other person with each post, then I’ve done my job.

How does my writing process work?

This is a question I’d like to know the answer to as well. I have no idea. I honestly will be walking to work, trip over something, or spill coffee on my shirt for the third time that day and just need to get something off my chest, and BAM, you have a post about how ugly I was as a child or how much of life is cleaning up messes regardless of how organized you are. I just kind of word vomit all over the page and hope at the end of all of it something coherent and English came out.  If not, well, I guess then I just found out I was subconsciously bilingual and that’s pretty cool.

BUT! Enough about me, I want you to read some other people!  I was supposed to find more than one person to take over this tour for me, but just like middle school, I’m short on friends.  But I found an awesome blog, and you need to take a looksy or else I’m adding cookie dough to my stock cart and that’s not a good look for anyone.
They do exercise.. and they look good, too.

They do exercise.. and they look good, too.

I want to pass the metaphorical baton to Colby and Tina from It’s A Marathon AND A Sprint. This blog is awesome and makes me feel all sorts of inadequate when it comes to exercising.  These women are motivational, hilarious, and totally amazing to keep up with.  Plus, if you’re anything like me, you’ll want to sign up for all the races all the time and see how much your body can handle.  It makes the wine that much more worthwhile. Now go give your eyes a challenge and read all their posts, I’ll time you.
***

Do you want to participate in a blog tour? EMAIL ME (thehalfandhalfblog@gmail.com) for more information!

 

 

The ABC’s of Working In An Office

BangHead

I need this. ASAP.

You know, because since you’re not in school anymore, and I need to show you that the alphabet is still relevant.

Or something like that.

And since everyone will inevitably take the leap from sheer joy in college to utter madness in corporate life, I’ve taken the time to write down twenty-six letter-correlating words relating to working in an office.

If you don’t work in an office, feel free to take the this time to read some of my other posts that may be more relatable, email me about all of your problems, or maybe figure out a way to build me a teleport so I can finally get myself to the Amalfi Coast.

Here are the ABC’S of Working In An Office:

A – Awkward Small Talk. Get used to talking about the weather, things in your general area, or the G version of your weekend.

B – Bitching. Clients suck. Accounts suck. Creative people suck. Deadlines suck. Bosses suck. Mondays suck. Working sucks.  

C – Caffeine. Pick your poison, coffee, soda, tea, or tequila. Whatever it is, make some room for a full-fledged addiction, headaches galore that only some ground up Colombian beans can fix. Oh, and if you kill it, you fill it. Don’t be a dick.

D – Dress Code. From suits and ties to jeans and button ups, make sure you follow the rules.

E – Email. Don’t use a silly font. Be basic, bitch.

F – Free Stuff. Client gifts are the best. Who doesn’t love a free tray of cookies or an endless supply of hot pink camo lanyards?

G – GChat. It’s your friend. It’s your family. It’s your life.

H – Happy Hour. And the reason you get up every morning to make it until Friday. It’s the greatest time of the week and a final release into the wild weekend.

I – Internet. No explanation needed.

J – Jealousy. You will have so much hatred for someone with a better lunch than you.

K – Kitchen. Don’t touch my food. Label everything or don’t expect it to be waiting for you.

L – Lunch. Your internal clock will be set, and then it will be messed up. You’ll either eat at 12pm, or you won’t eat at all.

M – Mugs. And you’re going to be territorial over them, too.  Once you find a mug that perfectly holds all your hot beverages, place an imaginary stamp on it and let your coworkers know that it is no longer open for the beverage business, that shit is yours.

N – New Hires. Be nice, being the new kid is scary. And it doesn’t get easier when you’re an adult.

O – Open Space. Didn’t think you were a loud talker? Think you are sneaky with how many times a day you check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and GChat? Think again, open space is the new thing, there are no walls, and there is nowhere for you to hide.

P – Productivity. Make sure you get your shit done and stuff.

Q – Quiet. Bring headphones. Not everyone likes to listen to Hip Hop classics at 9am on a Wednesday. Unless they do, then you should never leave that office environment.

R – Relationships. A good rule of thumb: Professional = Great Idea. Platonic = Good Idea. Romantic = Extremely/Horribly/Terribly Bad Idea.

S – Sick Days. Quote, unquote.

T – Teams. The people you work with. Hopefully you like them. Either way, you’re stuck with them. #GroupProjectsDontEndInCollege

U – Unproductive. And the reason that I wrote this blog. Be prepared for finding any and all excuses to avoid doing actual work, you never knew you needed to run to Starbucks more than three times in a day.

V – Vacation. Don’t you dare bother me with work emails.

W – Work Hard, Play Hard. A good motto. Don’t forget to have fun. Life is short.

X – This letter is stupid.

Y – Yawns. The two-o’clock feeling is real. Siestas and nap time is not.

Z – Zen. When you leave the office.

 

 

 

 

HEY EVERYONE, I’M ON VACATION.

Essentially.

Essentially.

Sorry, or luckily, whichever one applies, I won’t be around this week.  Please feel free to enjoy the silence that would usually be filled with senseless rambles and my cries of inadequacy.

Yeah, yeah I know we just had a three day weekend, but I have a lot of stuff on my plate, namely going through my closet to make sure I don’t have seventeen floral crop tops.

But I’m also planning a reunion for this coming weekend, and there is a lot of drinking involved, so my mental capacity and ability to produce coherent thoughts are going to be extremely limited.

In short, I’ll be on a self-imposed vacation this week to get my mind right, sleep a lot, and do some research which really means everything I do will be involving copious amounts of wine.

Wish me luck, or don’t.

See you back next Monday.  In the mean time, feel free to be my friend. 

PS – Happy Birthday to my mom.  I know she reads this.  She may be the only one.


What did you do for Labor Day? Do you ever feel like you just need a break?

The ABCs of Boredom

Bored_Cat_Is_Bored

Because I was definitely not bored when I made this list:

 And, I need a nap.  A long nap.  Even a short nap will do.

B – Biting my nails.

C – Craigslist.  Just to see what’s for free… or for sale… or who missed a connection.

D – DOODLING!

– Eating so much food even though I’m not hungry.

F – Facebook stalking so well that I could get hired by the FBI.

G – Googling random facts to up my trivia IQ.

– How many of my feet could fit inside Shaq’s shoe?

– Is it Friday? Oh, it’s Saturday?  Crap.

J – Justifying my Pinterest addiction with having extra time.

K – Kidding, I don’t have extra time, I’m just actively avoiding doing things I don’t want to do.

L – Lunch time.  It’s almost lunch time.

M -Making lists just so I can cross off things I’ve already accomplished.

N – Netflix, just give me what I want.  Become a crystal ball.

O – On the seventh day, God created boredom.  I think?  Or maybe he was bored and that’s why he created Sunday.  Someone please clarify.

P – Pretending to do something in order to look busy.

Q – Questionable search history may lead to termination.

R – Red wine, in my belly, soon, please. Yes.

S – Sporcle.com

– Texting.  Texting anyone who will respond to me.  Someone, please respond to me.

U – Underestimated how long it would take to write this list.

V – Very tempted to clean something.  But not.

W – When is an appropriate time to have another snack?

X X is a stupid letter.

Y Yesterday went by so much quicker.

Z – Zen, bitches.


What do you do when you’re bored?

Can Someone Please Help Me With Bathroom Etiquette?

UntitledReal talk, I have no idea how I am supposed to act in a communal bathroom.

I’m not even going to lie, I immediately go into the handicap stall if it’s free.  A more spacious experience is a better one, in my opinion.

I could be missing the bigger picture here, mostly because I am not handicapped.  I do feel guilty, but at the same time, I don’t like small spaces because I was locked in a suitcase and a bathroom when I was younger.

Do I just suck it up and sacrifice space for sanity?  Or do I go for the gold and ignore the haters hoping to all heavens that someone doesn’t wheel in with the burning need to release their bladder?

Then if you are in the bathroom and you hear people come in, you have to look at the feet, right?  You need to know who it is, and if you do know who it is, is it weird to say hello?  No one wants eye contact through the stalls, that’s awkward as hell.  Keep your head down, analyze the foot traffic and make an assessment.

Does knowing who people are by their feet make you a weirdo?  Asking for a friend. 

If you do know the person, but only a little bit, you’re not obligated to talk to them while you’re washing your hands right?  It’s like the rules of elevator etiquette apply here.  A nice, firm “hello!” and then a quick wash of the hands and be on your way.

My reasoning is because after you do establish a small talk conversation where you both mutually agree that it is either warm or cold outside and you wish that the week was over, it just becomes an awkward hang out until one of the two of you decide what safe topic to discuss next.

Do I have to make small talk in the bathroom with someone I barely know?

I get that after twenty-five years, these rules should have been clear.  But honestly, I’m navigating the sea of life, and I find myself severely off course more times than I can count.

All I do know is that you never, under any circumstances use the first stall.

Please help me.

The Friday Five: My Favorite Posts of the Week

Each week, I’ll be listing off my favorites from all the wonderful blogs I follow.  I mean, if I love you, why shouldn’t the rest of the world?  So, without further adieu, here are the posts that really got my attention this week!

Friday Favorites

Friday Favorites

Pinstripes and Lipgloss:  How To Handle Being the “Other Woman” In Your Boyfriend’s Bromance

Taylor of P&L (just created that little abbreev right there, sorry Taylor!) writes a great post about dealing with your boyfriends’ bromancing ways, and how to keep a great balance between relationships and friendships.

Something on being a twenty-something:  Disregarding the notion of virginity

This post wonderfully explores the idea of virginity, and how ‘losing it’ doesn’t always have to be significant.

Routine Dreamer:  How Technology Ruins Social Interaction.

Loved this post on technology and how it has seriously influenced how people, for lack of a better word, communicate with each other in today’s social world.  Great read that really makes you think about how addicted you are to your phone, and how easy it is to hide behind a computer screen!

Tipsy Lit:  The Whisper Game

Nicole writes an extremely relatable post for anyone who has worked in the service industry on dealing with customers who value their time above, well, everyone elses.

Life As Jamie Writes It: Why girls love Instagram

I didn’t think people needed to know why girls love Instagram.  But they do. They really do. And Jamie does a great job at explaining it to the people who just don’t get it.

BONUS: Five Reasons with Meg Lago

Well, didn’t think I was going to do this little post without doing a little shameless self-promotion?  Oh, you did?  Well, sorry I’m not sorry.  Read this little post I wrote as my alcoholic nerd alter-ego over at Tipsy Lit.


Do you have a favorite post from this week?  Submit it in a comment and maybe I’ll feature it next Friday!

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Hey Mom. I Kinda Owe You. Big Time.

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Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

 

Mom,

You were the vessel that carried me for nine, long months until I graced the world with my presence that stormy Friday morning.

I know you were probably busy with all that childbirth business, but I’m pretty positive the storm outside was a foreshadow for what you were going to deal with once I became a teenager.  Either that, or it’s the reason why I love thunderstorms so much, but I’m going to go with the latter.

Thanks for being there for me.

For telling me to shut up when I was being dramatic.

For listening to me vent and not taking my side because I was wrong and you knew it.

For allowing me to wear boys clothing when I was going through “that phase.”

For never telling me how to dress, and allowing me to eventually find my style.

For loving me even though I refuse to eat squash.

For trying to sneak squash into all our meals by covering it with sauce and thinking we wouldn’t notice.

For showing me how chocolate can really fix your mood.

And for teaching me that wine can do that, too.

For packing my lunches even when I was twenty-two and in grad school.

For eating at the restaurant I worked at, and leaving me a huge tip even though I was a terrible waitress.

For always having the fridge stocked when I come home for the weekend.

For Wednesday Wine nights and summers by the pool.

For making me love running.

For encouraging me to put down my second helping of dessert.

For talking to me on the phone four times a day, just because I’m bored.

And then for telling me I call you too much and I need to learn how to be alone.

For helping me move out, and move in, and then move out again.  Twice.

For not getting mad at me for constantly stealing all of your clothes.

For being forgiving of all the strange, stupid, selfish, and somewhat questionable things I did when I was younger.

For the forgiveness I will need when I continue to do all those things as I get older.

For being the shit.

Words cannot express what you mean to me.  So I guess I will just say, “I love you.”