I’m Superior Because I Spent The First Year Of My Life Building A Chin Army

Scowls on my face, don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuhg. 

Scowls on my face, don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuuhg.

People are always telling me a lot of things can happen in a year.  And according to this picture, the better part of my first year on earth as a baby was cultivating an army of chins to protect my head from falling off.

But you take one look at that picture and you can sense the essence of pride my mother must have been feeling when her firstborn daughter turned the big bad numero uno.

And aside from being all things adorable and totally growing up to be an upstanding, completely serious and focused human being, you can’t help but want to celebrate the little milestones in life, even if those milestones solely consist your daughter’s ability to mass produce neck fat.

That’s why I’m here to celebrate, because today, my friends, is my blog’s FIRST BIRTHDAY.

Yup, October 2, 2013, I took the leap into complete and utter insanity and made a website where I complained about all of my life’s problems because I thought I was important enough to do so.

So if birthing and growing a blog for a year is anything like parenting, I’m going to be pretty good at it.  I mean how hard is it to pay attention to a kid for four or five days at a time and then do whatever the hell you want on the weekends?

Am I right, mom and dad?

In all seriousness, I am so happy and thankful for how far this little website has come from day one. Starting this thing as a place where I can write uncensored thoughts – that then became censored because my mother and grandmother starting reading – and having it turn into a chronicle of my life over the past year is amazing.

I’ve always had a penchant for journaling and writing everything down, and never knew that doing so would eventually open so many doors and opportunities to do this in my professional life.

This blog is my creative outlet; but more so a representation of who I am as a person, the way I think, and how I react to the ridiculousness of society and the world around us. I never could have imagined the reach that my posts would have, being featured on Freshly Pressed and eventually leading me to a Contributing Writer gig at Elite Daily and The Eighty8, and somehow making this thing still work to my advantage in convincing people I’m not certifiably insane when I say I want to be an onion ring connoisseur.

I want to thank each and every person who has read this blog over the past year.  Whether it be once, twice, or daily, I thank you.  Putting myself out there may not seem like a big deal, it’s hard when you take time to write something and not have it noticed.  I thank all the people who have commented, liked, shared, or reblogged my posts.  I sincerely thank all of the people who have let me guest blog, tagged me in a blog hop, and followed me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

I’m thankful that my baby did not grow eighteen chins over the past year, but there’s always the future and I can’t be held accountable for what happens to my brain child over the next 365 days.

But regardless, I thank you. Cheers, here’s to year two, three, and beyond. Maybe one day I’ll get paid for this shit. 🙂

Oh, and if you haven’t already, let’s be friends.

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The Friday Five and A BIG THANK YOU.

Here are my five favorite posts from this week, and a BIG, HUGE, GIANT, MONSTER thank you to the 1000+ people who follow this blog!


Falling From Grace:  Admit it, you know when to break up with your best friend.

Grace is an awesome twenty-something writer that really captures the feelings and emotions of that decade.  This post illustrates that friendships, like relationships, are also temporary, and lets you know when it might be time to move on.

Candy Coated Cyanide: I’m not for the Bible, but I’m not exactly against it either. 

I tend to stray away from religious posts, but this one really grabbed my attention.  I don’t think of myself as a feminist, but the way this was written really made me question, in a good way, a lot of what I had learned in the past about religion and the bible, and that’s always a good thing!

Ah, The Country Life:  Don’t Question the Questionnaire

This post cracked me up and reminded me of a blog I wrote about all the lies I tell on a day to day basis.  The doctor’s office is already an extremely stressful room, but adding a redundant yearly questionnaire that constantly goes ignored is be enough to ruin anyone’s day.

Chaos + Words: Motherhood: Leave It Be

Ashley is an extremely talented writer (and fellow Tipsy member), and in this post, she showcases her ability to eloquently write about the controversial topic of motherhood.  Women are constantly asked when they are getting to that ‘next step’ in life, whether it be engagement, marriage, or kids, and she objectively argues for those who don’t see the necessity of taking that next step.

Red, White & Bitchy: Warning Shots

These girls are hilarious, first and foremost, but this post on body image really got my attention.  Taking a break from their normally sarcastic and humorous posts, they dive deeper into a girl’s need to be thinner and what she loses in the process.

Bonus: Half and Half: Had A Crappy Week?  Here’s How To Feel Better

A little self promotion never hurt nobody right?  This is one of my favorite posts — and since it’s Friday, maybe you can utilize some of my brain tools to help you feel better about slaving away from 9-5 or however long you work.

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And as if reading all these wonderful posts wasn’t enough to make my week, I found out on Tuesday that I crossed the bridge to over 1,000 followers!

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

Thank you so much to all of you for your support, comments, feedback, and likes.

I am so grateful that you all read what I have to say, comment on it, and enjoy it.  It makes this whole thing so much more fun!

I owe all of you seventeen virtual wine bottles, a tray of imaginary snacks, and forty stickers.  I just need all your addresses, a week alone, and a lot of prepaid envelopes.

Now, excuse me, I have a bottle of wine with my name on it ready to celebrate.  Cheers to all you beautiful people, and here’s to the next one thousand!

(I hope.)

xoxo, Meg

In the spirit of thank yous, submit your favorite post (by you or someone else) from this week it in a comment and I’ll feature my top five next Friday!

Honest Acceptance Speeches

Yeah, we all know you want to thank your parents, your family, and your fans.  But really, how can you forget all the things that really make the world go round?

First and foremost, I’d like to thank:

  • Bono, for single handedly fueling sales of blue polarized sunglasses.
  • Puppies, for teaching couples that kids are really going to be a lot of work.
  • Crunchy peanut butter, for diversifying the snack game.
  • Maxi dresses, for being my entire summer wardrobe.
  • Sunglasses, for allowing me to sneakily stare at people without being noticed.
  • Snuggies, for repurposing the bathrobe by simply wearing it backwards.
  • Text messages, for allowing me to ignore phone calls because “I can’t talk right now.”
  • Tattoos, for permanently reminding me of how stupid I am.
  • Beyonce, for being “everything,” so girls all over the world “literally can’t even” to the point that they “die.”
  • Grease, for clearly indicating when I need to shower.
  •  Barbecues, for giving everyone an excuse to eat and drink outside.
  • Scarves, for catching all my crumbs so I can save them for later.
  • Glasses, for allowing my eyeballs to be puffy with a barrier.
  • Air conditioning, for keeping me sane when it’s above 74 degrees.
  • Nick Lachey, for somehow staying relevant.
  • Dancing with the Stars, for cutting Kim Kardashian in the first week.
  • American Idol, for proving that The Voice is better.
  • Katy Perry, for comparing men to aliens, all while looking like an alien herself.
  • The Skinny Arm Pose, for making girls everywhere create triangles with their bodies.
  • Instagram, for giving everyone the option to look better than they actually do.
  • Push-Button Faucets, for showing me that I take too long to wash my hands.
  • The DMV, for teaching me that I have no patience.
  • The grocery store snack aisle, for your ability to make me forget and disregard everything I initially came to buy.
  • iPhone screenshot, for allowing me to capture inside jokes in text message threads and post them on social media, even though no one else will understand what it means.
  • Status updates, for letting me know that Carl from Florida is currently on his third episode of Hoarders with no plans of stopping anytime soon.
  • Spaghetti, for demonstrating that I am not an attractive eater.
  • Selfies, for letting the world know exactly what my face looks like at all hours of the day.
  • Buns, for somewhat salvaging my bad hair day.
  • Makeup, for making me look like a human being.
  • Accents, for blessing the world with imitation material.
  • Bret Michaels, for his commitment to the bandana cause.
  • Oreos, for being milk’s favorite cookie.

… And of course, last and certainly not least, I’d like to thank Leonardo DiCaprio, for being my imaginary husband and life partner.  You’re the best, babe.  I wouldn’t be here without all your love and support.

Stay classy.

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Hey Mom. I Kinda Owe You. Big Time.

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Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

 

Mom,

You were the vessel that carried me for nine, long months until I graced the world with my presence that stormy Friday morning.

I know you were probably busy with all that childbirth business, but I’m pretty positive the storm outside was a foreshadow for what you were going to deal with once I became a teenager.  Either that, or it’s the reason why I love thunderstorms so much, but I’m going to go with the latter.

Thanks for being there for me.

For telling me to shut up when I was being dramatic.

For listening to me vent and not taking my side because I was wrong and you knew it.

For allowing me to wear boys clothing when I was going through “that phase.”

For never telling me how to dress, and allowing me to eventually find my style.

For loving me even though I refuse to eat squash.

For trying to sneak squash into all our meals by covering it with sauce and thinking we wouldn’t notice.

For showing me how chocolate can really fix your mood.

And for teaching me that wine can do that, too.

For packing my lunches even when I was twenty-two and in grad school.

For eating at the restaurant I worked at, and leaving me a huge tip even though I was a terrible waitress.

For always having the fridge stocked when I come home for the weekend.

For Wednesday Wine nights and summers by the pool.

For making me love running.

For encouraging me to put down my second helping of dessert.

For talking to me on the phone four times a day, just because I’m bored.

And then for telling me I call you too much and I need to learn how to be alone.

For helping me move out, and move in, and then move out again.  Twice.

For not getting mad at me for constantly stealing all of your clothes.

For being forgiving of all the strange, stupid, selfish, and somewhat questionable things I did when I was younger.

For the forgiveness I will need when I continue to do all those things as I get older.

For being the shit.

Words cannot express what you mean to me.  So I guess I will just say, “I love you.”