42 Things Everyone Is Thinking While They’re Shopping At Walmart

… or at Target, KMart, Costco or any other variety superstore that requires a list, a plan, and a hefty dose of patience.

  1.  Do I need a cart?
  2. I should probably get a cart.
  3. Damnit, I’m getting a basket. Even though they hurt my arms; the handles aren’t very plush.
  4. Okay, where’s my list? Did I bring my list? Dammit, guess I’m going rogue.
  5. I’m not buying sale items, I’m only here for the essentials.
  6. OH! Look! 50% off bathing suits!
  7. Focus.
  8. Without a list, I’m just going to go down every aisle in case I miss something.
  9. Wait, I’ll stop in the greeting card section for a minute… or twelve.
  10. Honestly, who just LEAVES their cart in the middle of the aisle?
  11. If it’s empty, I can take it, right?
  12. Counting three, two, one. Okay, it’s mine.  Peace out, dumbass basket.
  13. Crap, this has a messed up wheel.  That’s why it was abandoned.
  14. WHERE THE HELL IS MY LIST?
  15. Did I bring my phone?
  16. I want to ride those display bicycles.
  17. Why is my cart squeaking?
  18. Okay, time to check out, I’ve been here too long.
  19. Why did I grab Twinkies AND Devil Dogs?
  20. So, which line looks fastest?
  21. Far left, far left. ATTACK, ATTACK.
  22. Fuck.  I should have gone right.
  23. I shouldn’t have spent so much time in the card aisle.  I always get sucked in.
  24. Are old people always asking questions about sales?
  25. That guy got in line at the same time as me, let’s have a race.
  26. He’s totally going to pay before me. Damnit.
  27. WHY ARE YOU DOING SEPARATE TRANSACTIONS, WOMAN?
  28. Should I switch lines?
  29. No, I’m committed now.
  30. Do I need a snack while I’m waiting?  I like Reeses.  OH, Butterfingers.
  31. I’ll read a magazine.  Is it cheating if I read it but don’t buy it?
  32. The stuff on the exit shelves look good, how do I buy that but stay in line?
  33. You actually don’t need an inflatable pool to put in your pool, get with it.
  34. WHY HAVE I NOT MOVED IN ONE HUNDRED MINUTES?
  35. She’s using pennines.  This old woman is paying in pennies.  I hate her.
  36. Someone get this woman a debit card!
  37. That guy is about to be at the register.  I can totally win this game.
  38. Scan away, cashier, scan away.
  39. I’ll load up my belongings on the conveyor belt, it will be helpful, and I always dreamed of ringing up items as a cashier when I was a child.
  40. Swipe!
  41. No thanks, I don’t want my receipt with four items and six thousand miles of coupons.
  42. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

What drives YOU insane when you’re shopping?

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13 comments

  1. It never fails that I get the cart with the messed up wheel, doesn’t matter where I get it from. I dislike the people who seem to think they are the only ones in the store, pausing in the middle of the aisle to check their phone or something, completely unaware that I am behind them.

  2. Haha! I always get in the wrong line behind the guy who’s buying gum with his credit card and the lady with 6,000 items. And what is it with the vortex of these places? So hard to focus. So many shiny, yummy, 50% off things!

Talk is cheap, but I'm on a budget anyway...

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