alcohol

Cheers to you, to me, to you, and back to me again, and then you, and then me.

Irish or not, you know about St. Patrick’s Day.

Seeing as Monday is one of the most glorified drinking holidays on the planet, I figured I’d give you a little something to think about going into the weekend. There’s going to be beer, there’s going to be drinking, there’s going to be parades, and most of all, there are going to be, “CHEERS!”

Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard them all, “To good friends! – To good times!” yadda, yadda, yadda. BOOOORING.

If you stick with the run of the mill drink clinks, you’ll quickly run out of things to say and simultaneously raise your glass. That’s why I’m here to help you.

The following is a list of things you can, “Cheers!” to this weekend in honor of Saint Patrick:

To money
To your bank account
To your parents, because without them you would not be alive and drinking today
To not falling down
To the Pilgrims and Indians getting along splendidly
To the military and the USA
To falling down and getting back up
To that kid not wearing green because “he isn’t Irish”
To that kid peeing on the sidewalk
To your friends because, “OH MY GAHHH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH”
To not using public restrooms
To finally getting to use the public restroom
To airplanes and automobiles that will bring you home
To candy hearts that express emotions so you don’t have to
To being single and not running into your ex
To not being single and running into your ex
To Tinder when there’s a surplus of hot drunk individuals in one concentrated area
To seeing eye dogs – because they’re the shit
To Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski (he did not have sexual relations with that woman)
To not wearing heels
To bacon, eggs, and cheese, and bread. So much bread.
To live music and uncomfortably swaying and calling it ‘dancing’
To Outkast reuniting
To free alcohol
To stealing alcohol
To making fast friends on the streets that you have absolutely no intention of ever talking to again
To sleep number beds for always knowing what you want
To McDonald’s for giving us the Happy Meal when you’re ordering over 18 years of age
To wearing sunglasses when it’s not sunny because you’re too hungover to be in public
To the one time of the year wear corn beef and cabbage is a fun thing to eat
To castles and royalty
TO POTATOES!
To infinity and beyond
To street meat
To Janet Jackson’s nip slip
To Leo DeCaps and Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”
To finding out all your socks matching up after laundry
To cooking something that isn’t poisonous
To haircuts and looking so fresh and so clean, clean
To creating resolutions and breaking them
To giving up beer for Lent…… then taking it back because St. Patrick’s day is during Lent
To the world’s largest ball of yarn
TO POTATOES!
To tear-away Adidas sweats and white high top sneakers
To snap bracelets and snap backs and Snap, Crackle, Pop
To Ramen noodles and drinking like you’re in college again
To day drinking and passing out before 9pm
To having an excuse to drunk dial your mom and dad just to , “Say hey.”
To Ireland and the people from it who immigrated here because there were no potatoes, without whom we would not be the population of drunk people we are today, and we have to salute you the only way we know how, by getting drunk

Go forth, my sons, into the land of inebriation.

Why Girls Buy Other Girls Drinks

Because they’re bored
Because it’s 5pm
Because it’s 9pm
Because it’s last call
Because it’s happy hour
Because there are jello shots
Because there is Fireball
Because, “You’re just, like, my best friend and I love you, so much. Like really. To the moon and back, girlfran.”
Because it’s my turn
Because it’s their turn
Because she’s new to the group
Because she’s not in the group
Because she’s a better wingwoman when she’s drunk
Because she took one for the team
Because she needs it
Because I need it
Because it will make us dance
Because I’m an enabler
Because we’re easily persuaded
Because you know she won’t say no
Because she got promoted
Because we got fired
Because we’re single
Because her boyfriend is gone
Because we got dumped
Because we dumped someone
Because it’s a holiday
Because we’re on vacation
Because tropical drinks will make you think you’re on vacation
Because she’s not pregnant
Because there’s a snowstorm
Because we’re hungover
Because it’s cold outside and drinks make us warm
Because it’s pay day
Because we’re the only people at the bar
Because my job sucks
Because our feet hurt
Because, “You look like you need a drink.”
Because we look good
Because we feel like shit
Because when we don’t eat dinner we get drunk faster
Because wine is good for our heart
Because, “WE NEED TO CHEERS!”
Because we need to toast to random events
Because we need to look interesting
Because I showered today
Because I need to ask you something important and/or horrible
Because I’m going to guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do but will do it anyways cause I bought you that drink in your hand
Because you got a haircut
Because it’s Sunday Funday
Because it’s brunch
Because it’s an open bar and I’m not really buying it
Because it’s relaxing
Because I had a bad day at work
Because you had a great day at work
Because you got laid
Because we’re trying to get laid
Because it’s a weekday
Because it’s the weekend
Because I need to unwind
Because any excuse to buy a drink is a good excuse to buy a drink

The Band of Books and Booze and Brilliance.

#shamelesspromotion

Good news, everyone! The gods of the interwebs have smiled upon me!

Today is a day to be remembered. A time to rejoice. Because I have accepted a seat at the cool kids lunch table.

Oh, what’s that sound you hear? It’s the sweet, sweet music of a wonderful symphonic orchestra playing as I’m dancing around in circles.

That’s right, I have joined the ranks with a band of the booziest, brilliant, and book-crazy peeps on the internet. I am now officially part of the Tipsy Lit crew, and I couldn’t be more happy.

Please drink and read responsibly.

Tipsy Lit was gracious enough to invite me to partake in their Children’s Literature week, allowing me to rewrite an excerpt of Judy Blume’s classic coming of age novel, which was appropriately named, “Are you there, Google? It’s me, Meg.”

So, if you’re a drinker, a thinker, and an inker (booze, books, brilliance, woahhhhhhh), please subscribe to Tipsy Lit and do yourself a double favor and spice up your inbox with a few of my problems by following me as well.

That’s not too much to ask is it?

Not at all! But, you may be asking yourself, “Hi self, what is in it for me?”

I’m so very glad that you asked. Because there are tons of things in it for you, my fellow amigos and amigas. I’m not trying to say I’m kind of a big deal, but I am kind of a big deal because not only am I one of the most overly caffeinated and excited people on the planet, I am now the new Promotional Manager for the site, and with great power, comes great responsibility.

Thus I give you, FREE STUFF. If you follow me at all, which you should be – except physically, because that would be scary – stay tuned for some new announcements detailing tons of giveaways and freebies that you can win by entering some of the Tipsy Contests!

That’s right, folks! You can win free stuff just by being friends with me.

Let the bidding for my friendship start at ten slice and bake cookies… or just the press of a button.

Shameless self promotion. FOLLOW ME:

Half and Half

half wit. half wisdom. a whole lot of nonsense.

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Cheers to you, to me, to you, and back to me again, and then you, and then me.

Why Girls Buy Other Girls Drinks

The Band of Books and Booze and Brilliance.

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