Hi. Um, yes. I’ll have infinity amounts of whatever Jennifer Lopez is having.
These pictures are difinitive proof that vampires exist and Jennifer Lopez is a fang away from being Queen of the Latin Daywalkers.
I mean, holy damn. Does this woman age? Like ever? The progression from twenty-four to twenty-five put at least three wrinkles on my face. Meanwhile Lady Lopez is over here flaunting her pristine body for the whole world to see for twenty years NON-STOP.
If this is what forty-five looks like, I’ll sign my name on the dotted line and skip my thirties in a heartbeat. I need abs, I need a nice butt, I need that face. GIMME.
Not to mention her face hasn’t seen a wrinkle since she was born, but I mean, holy shit, give women around the world a break. Don’t vampires have to go to sleep during the day? How is she walking among us? Where is her maker?
I NEED ANSWERS.
If you, or anyone you know, has insight or information on how I can be reborn as a latin woman, please let me know. I need these genes. The latin community is just birthing dynamos and I’m sitting here wondering what I need to do to change my face and body and life to become 3% Latina.
In honor of my monumental discovery of JLo being a vampire, here is a list of some other people that I think may be in the vamp cahoots waiting to be exposed.
Jennifer Aniston She’s timeless, she’s likeable, she’s entrancing. All three qualities of a well bred vampire. Stay away.
Kate Beckinsale: Genetically impossible. Just like vampires.
George Clooney and Richard Gere: Both have had silver hair and the same face since 1990 and no one has questioned it. Until now.
Halle Berry: No one looks that good in a bikini for that long unless you suck people’s blood for food.
Sofia Vergara: Colombian vampires are almost as lethal as whatever JLo’s ancestry is. Just breeding ageless humans since the beginning of time.
Gabrielle Union: She has the face of a 20-year-old and could still feasibly star in Bring It On 2 without it being wierd. Kirsten Dunst, not so much.
John Stamos: Uncle Jesse. HELLO.
On the other hand, I can assure you MaCaulay Culkin is not a vampire because look at his face:
Yup, definitely a human. Age on, Richie Rich!
Do you know any celebrities that might be a vampire?