Barbara Walters Is A Jackass

Last night marked the most important thing to happen in pop-culture after the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.  Barbara Walters put on forty-seven pounds of makeup and a suit from 1986 and rattled off her annual list of the most fascinating people on the planet.

And the top honor was, you probably didn’t guess it, Amal Alamuddin, or as you probably know her, as George Clooney’s wife.

Full disclosure, you can file this post under feminism... I think?

For most of the video – that is supposed to encompass why this woman is so fascinating – you sit and watch a compilation of clips memorializing George Clooney’s slingledom, emphasizing him talking about never wanting to get married, and throwing in after the fact that Amal is really fascinating to the people of the world because, much like George, she can wear a mean suit and has really nice hair.

There is almost no mention of her skills, talents, or endeavors, other than the fact that she went to Oxford to become a humanitarian and women’s rights defense attorney, oh except for the shocking revelation that she’s also, like really, really pretty, too. 

For Barbara Walters to highlight and harp on the fact that the main and most important reason Amal is fascinating is because she got George Clooney of all people to get married again is kind of actually really ridiculous.

And I personally stray away from feminist rants, but when I heard she earned the coveted label, I figured we’d be learning much more about Amal’s drives, aspirations, and achievements rather than a recap on George Clooney’s much publicized aversion to marriage (complete with a list and segmented montage of all those women who tried to get him to settle down along the way).

It makes her “inspirational” list more of a publicity stunt and ratings magnet rather than a real, in depth look into the lives of these people that we are so fascinated with.

I mean, let’s be real, her spotlight on Taylor Swift will hardly feature the work and dedication she has to making great music, but it will most likely talk about her past relationships, how highly publicized they are, how and why she hasn’t found a boyfriend and when on God’s green earth will she find the time and the urge to settle down with someone.

Like, I enjoy talking about boys, but at some point can we just talk about how amazing certain women are without the mention on their male counterparts (or lack thereof)?  Could Barbara Walters maybe have at least tried to make a connection to George dating cocktail waitresses and models before wanting to settle down with someone who holds substantially equal intellect, values, and ideals?

COME ON, BABS, HELP ME, HELP YOU.

Because, while marrying George Clooney is great – because he’s super hot #SilverFox – this would have been the perfect platform to unveil some of the lesser to little known human rights issues around the world that both Amal and George (SO WEIRD SINCE THEY’RE MARRIED, RIGHT?) think are important. Or the women’s rights issues or cases she’s been a part of, or the numerous charitable donations and do-goodey things she does on a daily basis that just makes her an all around badass and fascinating person.

I think that’s all I have to say about that.

If you want to read more about Amal and less about George, check out the articles below, you’ll realize that she is way more than a pretty face, she actually does good stuff for the world and wants to make it a better place.

But, she just married George Clooney, and I guess that’s more important.


Amal Clooney is the most fascinating person of 2014 because of who she married, says Barbara Walters

Amal Clooney married down. She’s way more fascinating than George.

What Is This Goddess Doing With George Clooney?


What do you think of Barbara Walter’s list?

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I Don’t Think It Could Be Any More Clear That Jennifer Lopez Is A Vampire

Hi. Um, yes. I’ll have infinity amounts of whatever Jennifer Lopez is having.

jennifer-lopez-1998

These pictures are difinitive proof that vampires exist and Jennifer Lopez is a fang away from being Queen of the Latin Daywalkers.

I mean, holy damn. Does this woman age? Like ever? The progression from twenty-four to twenty-five put at least three wrinkles on my face. Meanwhile Lady Lopez is over here flaunting her pristine body for the whole world to see for twenty years NON-STOP.

If this is what forty-five looks like, I’ll sign my name on the dotted line and skip my thirties in a heartbeat. I need abs, I need a nice butt, I need that face. GIMME.

Not to mention her face hasn’t seen a wrinkle since she was born, but I mean, holy shit, give women around the world a break.  Don’t vampires have to go to sleep during the day? How is she walking among us? Where is her maker?

I NEED ANSWERS.

If you, or anyone you know, has insight or information on how I can be reborn as a latin woman, please let me know. I need these genes. The latin community is just birthing dynamos and I’m sitting here wondering what I need to do to change my face and body and life to become 3% Latina.

In honor of my monumental discovery of JLo being a vampire, here is a list of some other people that I think may be in the vamp cahoots waiting to be exposed.

Jennifer Aniston She’s timeless, she’s likeable, she’s entrancing.  All three qualities of a well bred vampire. Stay away.

Kate Beckinsale: Genetically impossible. Just like vampires.

George Clooney and Richard Gere: Both have had silver hair and the same face since 1990 and no one has questioned it. Until now.

Halle Berry: No one looks that good in a bikini for that long unless you suck people’s blood for food.

Sofia Vergara: Colombian vampires are almost as lethal as whatever JLo’s ancestry is. Just breeding ageless humans since the beginning of time.

Gabrielle Union: She has the face of a 20-year-old and could still feasibly star in Bring It On 2 without it being wierd. Kirsten Dunst, not so much.

John Stamos: Uncle Jesse. HELLO.

On the other hand, I can assure you MaCaulay Culkin is not a vampire because look at his face:

macaulay-culkin-then-and-no

Yup, definitely a human. Age on, Richie Rich!


Do you know any celebrities that might be a vampire?