It’s Friday. Here’s a list of all the things you can do tonight to unwind from that bitch of a work week.
- Drink a
glassbottle of wine - Go on a Netflix binge
- Read an entire book
- Take a long nap that actually ends up being an entire night’s sleep so you wake up at 6am on Saturday
- Reorganize your closet
- Watch Dateline NBC so you can fall asleep until tomorrow
- Have a dance party in your apartment
- Have a dance party at a bar
- Have a dance party in the street
- Put a $20 bill in a random pair of pants so when you go to wash them in three months you’ll get a present from yourself
- Do your laundry
- Eat your weight in Chinese food
- Take a pregnancy test (this is only a good idea if you know there’s not a chance in hell you can be pregnant, otherwise this will just ADD to the stress)
- Play the games on the back of a cereal box
- Talk to another human being – scientists have done studies proving that talking about your problems sometimes results in relief of stress
- Go for a run… not really though.
- Drink another bottle of wine
- Talk to a stranger(make sure he/she’s harmless first)
- Try to adopt telekinesis with your television remote
- Organize your closet by color
- Drink a margarita
- Drink a martini
- Drink a vodka soda
- Drink anything in your apartment
- Stretch
- Q-Tip your ears
- Talk about your feelings on social media
- Take your temperature
- Paint your nails
- Count the rats outside your apartment window (just me?)
- Make a list of all the things you hate then light your gas stovetop and burn it responsibly
- Make a fortune teller like you did when you were in third grade and have only good fortunes on it
- Play MASH with all the hotties in your life
- Think of a new way to insult someone
- Don’t listen to any of these suggestions because they’re coming from a girl who was blacklisted by Chipotle and has already eaten her weight in Chinese food before 4pm
Half and Half 
