It’s Friday. Here’s a list of all the things you can do tonight to unwind from that bitch of a work week.

• Drink a glass bottle of wine
• Go on a Netflix binge
• Read an entire book
• Take a long nap that actually ends up being an entire night’s sleep so you wake up at 6am on Saturday
• Reorganize your closet
• Watch Dateline NBC so you can fall asleep until tomorrow
• Have a dance party in your apartment
• Have a dance party at a bar
• Have a dance party in the street
• Put a $20 bill in a random pair of pants so when you go to wash them in three months you’ll get a present from yourself
• Do your laundry
• Eat your weight in Chinese food
• Take a pregnancy test (this is only a good idea if you know there’s not a chance in hell you can be pregnant, otherwise this will just ADD to the stress)
• Play the games on the back of a cereal box
• Talk to another human being – scientists have done studies proving that talking about your problems sometimes results in relief of stress
• Go for a run… not really though.
• Drink another bottle of wine
• Talk to a stranger(make sure he/she’s harmless first)
• Try to adopt telekinesis with your television remote
• Organize your closet by color
• Drink a margarita
• Drink a martini
• Drink a vodka soda
• Drink anything in your apartment
• Stretch
• Q-Tip your ears
• Talk about your feelings on social media
• Take your temperature
• Paint your nails
• Count the rats outside your apartment window (just me?)
• Make a list of all the things you hate then light your gas stovetop and burn it responsibly
• Make a fortune teller like you did when you were in third grade and have only good fortunes on it
• Play MASH with all the hotties in your life
• Think of a new way to insult someone
• Don’t listen to any of these suggestions because they’re coming from a girl who was blacklisted by Chipotle and has already eaten her weight in Chinese food before 4pm