Normally when something good happens to me, it’s because I’m on my fourth glass of wine.
The adult grapes usually give me a false sense of overconfidence and the idea in my head that I am excellent at anything and everything I do.
Then I realize it’s Saturday night and I’m sitting on my couch braless, in expandable pants, eating stale veggie stix while watching Spring Breakers and contemplating how to appropriately word my letter to the Academy demanding Selena Gomez be nominated for an Oscar.
Then I wake up in the morning and realize that my good idea at the time is actually just the brainchild of my ballsy, wine-induced, overconfident alter ego, Megye West.
When I found out that I was Freshly Pressed, I had to slap myself twice, eat two sandwiches (no relation, I was just really hungry that day), and call my mom to tell her she wasn’t the only one reading my blog anymore.
I’ve had a slew of new followers since being so fresh and so pressed, pressed, which is amazing and I am super-dee-duperly thankful for all of ya peeps, mostly because my cerebral cortex is one weird place.
Since you’ve been so wonderful as to care about what I have to say, I wanted to take the time to get to know all of you. That’s right, I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU.
So here’s what to do if you want to be friends, which essentially means you’ll instantly be on the proverbial path towards greatness and celebrity status and I will shower you with compliments and fairy dust (or just do it to take pity on me) :
- Leave a link to your favorite blog post from this past week in the comments section, I want to see what you all have to say, and perhaps boost my vocabulary in the process. Gotta get my brain right, ya dig?
- If you’d be so inclined, you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Google+. Because too much of a good thing is never too much… or is it? No, it’s not, because ice cream and puppies exist, and you can never have too much of those.
- Answer the question below and email it to me. I’ll pick my favorite to be featured in a new segment that I’m creating right this second called, “What Happens When Meg Asks Weird Stuff.” It should be a blast. Or it will backfire in my face. One or the other.
- Ask me weird questions. Like I said on my About page, I am in no way shape or form qualified to give advice, but I do it anyways. Like a boss. And a champion. We can talk about what would happen if dogs could speak English, or why more people aren’t terrified of ladybugs. Think about the possibilities. They are almost as unlimited as breadsticks at Olive Garden.
Question of the week:
How many five-year-old kids do you think you can take on in a fight and still be victorious? Rationalize your answer.
Sorry to the two friends who had their faces removed. I’ll buy you new faces ASAP.
Half and Half 