Guest Spots

50 Thoughts I Have While Watching House Hunters

IT’S A GUEST POST, Y’ALL.  HOP ON THE VIRTUAL FRIEND WAGON AND SEE WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY.  

I’m not southern, in the slightest, but that just seemed to fit so wonderfully.  

Anyways, I am thrilled to announce to the interwebs that I have found someone who shares the same brain capacity as myself – I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not – and is obsessed with HGTV and all it’s DIY filled glory that normal humans (even those with Pinterest accounts) will never be able to achieve.

Take it away, Taylor!

Hi, my name is Taylor and I blog over at Pinstripes & Lipgloss. I’m not sure if Meg is still busy trying to find a purpose for the multitude of fruit that has graced her office or trying to open a stubborn box of wine, but today you’re stuck with me instead.

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Like Meg, I enjoy a good HGTV show now and then (“now and then” defined as “way too often for someone in their 20’s”). My favorite of HGTV’s offerings is House Hunters. A true classic, House Hunters always promises 30 minutes of houses I can’t afford, bad kitchen cabinetry, and people who will probably later regret that they ever agreed to be on television.

Today I’m going to share with you the thoughts I have when I watch House Hunters, because there is nothing more interesting than reading the thoughts of a random person you have just virtually met (except for organizing your sock drawer).

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… WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

 

  1. They seem like a nice couple.

  2. Wait, they’re newlyweds? Oh, no. They’re the worst.

  3. Did she just mention starting a family? His face says that’s the first time she’s brought it up. Awkward.

  4. Well I guess they can use those five bedrooms for his jam sessions with his bros if the whole kid thing doesn’t work out.

  5. Their budget is $200k. In the middle of Miami? Good luck finding a cardboard box 20 miles from the beach.

  6. They also want a backyard that faces northeast, a kitchen with stainless steel appliances, AND a pool. I can’t even.

  7. Even the realtor knows this is ridiculous.

  8. This first house seems nice. I’d live there.

  9. The living room isn’t big enough for them? Are they wanting it to double as an indoor football arena?

  10. They like everything in the kitchen but the cabinetry…last time I checked, that’s removable.

  11. “Bob, I don’t know if we can live without a pool.” Wow can you say #firstworldproblems?

  12. This second house might be more promising. It has a pool.

  13. The paint color? Really? HAVE YOU EVER USED A PAINTBRUSH IT IS NOT THAT HARD

  14. It doesn’t have a fireplace because you didn’t ask your realtor for one. Your bad. You can’t have everything.

  15. Is it really necessary for both of you to stand in the shower and make sure you fit?

  16. Typical newlyweds.

  17. I’m uncomfortable.

  18. I’m almost more uncomfortable about the fact that she has that haircut and somehow she was married before me.

  19. The realtor just made this worse by laughing at his shower joke.

  20. Eew.

  21. If this closet were any bigger, I’d think they wanted to hide dead bodies or something.

  22. He’s wearing tube socks and khakis. He seems like the type that would.

  23. Do they let serial killers on this show? I suppose they’d have no way of knowing.

  24. Alright, house number three. Maybe this is going to be the one.

  25. She’s already complaining about the siding. Maybe not.

  26. Again, THE CARPET IS REPLACEABLE.

  27. eye roll

  28. sigh

  29. It’s a FIVE-minute walk to the beach…yes, you’re right. That’s much too far. How could you be expected to walk that far? You might have to stop and rest on the way there.

  30. Does the husband always wear the same shirt? Gross.

  31. Oh and there she goes with the baby comment again. He is visibly uncomfortable.

  32. Would their baby be tall or short? Hmm.

  33. The master bedroom looks “dated.” What does that even mean?

  34. Does your terrier NEED a large backyard? Have you asked him?

  35. I hate people.

  36. Now the kitchen appliances are too old. Apparently 2005 is too old.

  37. Get some real problems.

  38. Also, just be glad they’re stainless steel.

  39. For your budget, you’re just lucky this house has walls.

  40. Okay, now which one are they going to pick?

  41. None of them seemed like a good option.

  42. I think it’s going to be number one.

  43. Wait what? Number three??

  44. Aww look, they’re all moved in.

  45. Is that a baby bump she has?? No wait, that’s just a bad shirt choice.

  46. What were they thinking with the decor? Is this supposed to be “nursing home chic?”

  47. Ugh.

  48. I’m never watching this stupid show again.

  49. Never.

  50. Okay, fine. There’s nothing better on.

 ***

What show do you love to hate? Do you feel the same way about House Hunters that I do?

Thanks for letting me stop by today. If you enjoyed the sass, you can find more on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or at my blog.

 

 

GUEST POST: Racing Bananas Takes Over Half and Half!

Well, we are in for a special treat!  No pun intended, but kind of intended because I love snacks and she does too and that’s why I asked her to do this for me.

I like to eat, and figured everyone else does too, or else we’d all be dead, and then no one would be able to read my blogs (THE HORROR!) and my spanish teacher from tenth grade would be right in her assumption that I am not good at anything.

Anyways, enough about Senora Biatch, and more about food.  Hopefully you enjoy a little break from my nonsensical rambles, and enjoy something a little healthier for your mind and body.

Hi All! My name is Kim and I blog over at Racing Bananas, where I talk about my journey to live a healthy and active lifestyle. I stumbled upon Meg’s blog about a month ago and love it! Her posts are hilarious and witty and definitely keep me coming back wanting more! Today, Meg is letting me hijack her blog today to share with you some of my favorite go to snacks.

Kim Apple

My healthy living journey began during the Summer 2011 – I had reached my highest weight and was battling depression and self-image issues. With my dad and brother, I decided to change my eating habits and began exercising. I started doing the Atkins Diet, but soon realized that it was not sustainable for me. So paired with going to the gym and eating more healthy and in moderation, I have lost and maintained a 40 pounds over three years. It’s something that I am extremely proud of and strive to maintain. This can be pretty difficult, because I love chocolate. And ice cream. And pizza and cheeseburgers and French fries, and…well basically if it’s not good for you, I want it in my belly!

One way that I’m able to curb my “eat all the things!” mindset is by planning ahead. I’m a big snacker and need to eat every couple of hours (or I get hangry and scare my co-workers), so I usually make sure I stock the fridge and pantry with lots of healthy options that I can grab and eat during the day.

Some of my favorite combinations are:

Plain Greek Yogurt w/roasted pumpkin seeds or granola. I used to be a flavored Greek yogurt junkie until I saw how much sugar was in a container (as much as in a candy bar! Given the choice, I’ll take my sugar in chocolate form). It took a bit of getting used to, but I now really enjoy plain Greek yogurt and like to add in toasted pumpkin seeds or granola for a morning snack.

yogurt

Red Peppers and Hummus. I’m not the biggest proponent of eating raw veggies, mostly because I think they’re bland. Except for red peppers, which I love because they are tangy and red. They taste great with hummus too!

Tuna Salad in a lettuce wrap or whole wheat pita. I only recently decided I liked tuna, and now I make my own tuna salad at home by mixing canned tuna with laughing cow wedges. It’s tasty! I wrap this in a leaf of romaine lettuce and love to chow down.

tuna salad

Rice Cakes with peanut butter. I know rice cakes have a bad rap – they are literally the most boring food around. But I started slathering them with a tablespoon of peanut butter (and sometimes cinnamon and a cut up banana) and they are quite tasty. And filling!

Mashed Avocado on Toast. I love avocado everything. My go to is to half an avocado and mash it in a bowl and season with paprika and garlic powder and then put on toast. Try it. You’ll love it!

Smoothie. If I have smoothies, it’s usually in the morning because I work in an office and think my co-workers would think I was nuts if I started blending things in the middle of the day. But smoothies are a great post-work out (or anytime) snack that you can fill with fruits, protein, and fiber!

smoothie

With a bit of planning, you can have tasty snacks all day and not having to default to sugar filled granola bars (which I love #guiltypleasure) but couldn’t fill me up if they tried!

Thanks again to Meg for letting me take over today! Now I want to hear from you! What is your favorite go-to snack?

 

It’s A Blog Hop! Welcome To The Inner Workings Of My Cerebral Cortex.

Because why wouldn't you listen to me? I'M HALF COW.

Because why wouldn’t you listen to me? I’M HALF COW.

It’s like a sock hop, only there’s no dancing and the internet doesn’t have a floor or a school gymnasium. So wear whatever shoes you want, and hey, spike that punch, I’M THIRSTY.

And that title was just a bomb ass excuse to use the phrase ‘cerebral cortex’ in a sentence, because frankly, I don’t really know what it is and I’ve always just jumped at the chance to make myself sound smarter than I really am.

(Read about what a blog hop really is here)

Anyways, Shane over at Virtual Napkins emailed and asked me if I wanted to participate, and I immediately said yes because I am short on friends and anyone that asks me to hang out will probably get a big, fat, resounding YES.

You can read about Shane’s process here.

I’d like to thank Shane for asking me to participate, and apologize to everyone who has to read this and realize that there really is no rhyme or reason to my thinking, and eventually come to the conclusion that I may be certifiably insane and hopelessly addicted to wine.

HERE WE GO!

What am I working on/ writing?

I’m not currently writing anything, unfortunately.  Well, anything of substance.  I freelance and contribute to various sites around the internet, but other than that, PUBLISHERS, FEEL FREE TO HOLLA AT ME.  In other words, I can be bought.

How does my work/writing differ from others in its genre?

In all honestly, I don’t think I am special.  Well, I do think I’m special, but that’s only because my mother told me I was.  But, really, I think I just have an honest and refreshing perspective on topics that have almost been beaten to the ground.  When I am passionate about something, I tend to articulate what I want to say very well.  And talking about the problems, scenarios, and triumphs of a poor girl working in a big city is my specialty.  Plus, self-deprecation and the ability to make light of the shit you did when you were younger is a huge part in not taking yourself seriously and making other people laugh.  Laughter is the universal language of fun, and when people have fun, they tend to give you things like money and slice and bake cookies.

Why do I write what I do?

I like to complain a lot – Twitter only allows 140 characters, and Facebook has too many feelings, so I just like to unload all my thoughts and pictures of when I was ugly here.  I write a lot of what goes on in my head, and try to make it as ornate and relatable as possible.  And if it’s not ornate or relatable, it’s because I’m weird. I’m not a unique person, in fact, I am pretty plain, so taking something that happened to me and being objective about it will most likely produce a relatable piece of work.  Emphasis on most likely.

How does my writing process work?

I take conversations and scenarios from my everyday life and embellish them beyond belief.  Writing from experience is a tried and true process for me.  I think of an idea and I just word vomit all over the page. When I’m done, I take five minutes, watch a couple Jimmy Fallon youtube vids, and go back and edit it to make sure it doesn’t sound like a baby alpaca just decided to spit all over the place.

Now, onto the next ones!  The following bloggers have agreed to carry the torch and let you know how they write what they do!

Grace over at Falling From Grace will be participating and you’re in for a treat.  This girl is hilarious, honest, and offers a unique take on life as a twenty-something.  Plus, she’s pretty much best friends with Queen Frostine from Candyland, and has a VIP access card to most buffets around the nation.

Jake from Routine Dreamer will also be participating and he’s just a gem.  Like maybe a rare gemstone like amethyst or quartz.  Are those even rare?  I don’t know.  But this kid has tons of insight on today’s world and it’s very refreshing.  Did I mention he uses proper grammar?  Yeah, check it out.

Do you have a writing process?

What’s Up With That Wednesday

FEATURING: A British Chick Commenting on Americans 

Sophie from British Chick Across the Pond so wonderfully volunteered to guest post for me!  

 As my weekly rant addressing all the weird things people do without reason, I thought it would be a great opportunity to have a recently transplanted British person comment on all the, “What’s up with that?!” nuances of American life.  

Please check out her blog, and follow her cause she’s hilarious and makes me want an accent.  

 Without further adieu…

Life Across the Pond

One question people usually ask me when they learn I’m not from here is, “What is the thing you miss the most?” (Closely followed by… “Have you met the queen?”)
Well, if you take out the obvious of friends and family, my initial answer would be “Bakewell tarts” – a type of pastry filled with fake cherry stuff and topped with some kind of fondant (and a cherry of course).
This is closely followed by, “and yes but the queen and I stopped hanging out since the incident so I don’t like to talk about it.”
After being here 4 months – and having had a care package filled with tarts- my answer would need a bit more consideration. Now I think it’s more about things I didn’t realise I would miss… Things that are almost the same but totally different at the same time.
To figure out what I miss the most I need to think about what things have taken me by surprise or been difficult to adjust to.  My blog is all about the alien encounters since moving here but for now I’ll go with my top 3:

 

Driving:

I’ve blogged about my fears of driving before but since then I’ve actually done it.
Personally I’ve found that driving on the right side of the road (or the wrong side as far as I’m concerned) is doable.
But throw in all this right on red – unless there’s-a-red-arrow-and-even-then-that-doesn’t-mean-don’t-go-unless-there’s-a-sign-and-sometimes-there-is-and-sometimes-there-isn’t-but-even-then-it-depends-on-the-state- crap… Well it’s bloody confusing!
My son knows more than I do.

My son knows more than I do.

Not to mention the fact that a green light doesn’t actually mean, “Go! Be free… Drive forward confidently!” because depending on the layout the chances are it actually means yield but you won’t know that until you get beeped at for being hesitant or rammed head on for going without checking every possible direction.
Now I’ve learned what is and isn’t allowed at each set of lights between home and daycare but the thought of driving anywhere else makes me want to curl up and hide.
I miss the ease and confidence of driving, I miss roundabouts, streams of traffic where the majority know what indicators (blinkers) are for regardless of whether they use them and traffic lights in a 30mph zone rather than stopping dead from 55.
My brakes -and my nerves- are shot.

Words & Accents

Now… I say a lot of weird things in the company of friends but never have I experienced as many confused/blank faces after saying a simple sentence than I have since being here.
An American vs. Brit reading this label = fun for all

An American vs. Brit reading this label = fun for all

I get that we use different words for the same things and that even then we pronounce the same words differently, but the idea of starting a conversation with anyone who isn’t used to “my accent” fills me with dread.

The cashier asks me how my day is or if I found everything I was looking for and I’ll reply… But then it’s over because she’s trying to translate whatever my response was into something she can make sense of and there just isn’t enough time to wait for it to sink in before the card throws out my receipt and the person behind starts unloading.
Having my ID checked at the base gate the guard always says something along the lines of, “Hi, how are you?” And every time I reply with, “Fine thanks… You?”
… And then silence because he thinks I’ve cut him off with a, “Fine, thank you”.
Not only is every pleasantry met with “the look” but I’m always the one to accidentally finish it by opening my mouth so these people probably think I’m rude too.

Money:

When you go on holiday, money usually feels like monopoly money – for me anyway. It holds little ACTUAL monetary value in my mind and gets thrown around without much thought…but this ISN’T a holiday.
Where is it actually $1?!
Where is it actually $1?!
I still think of items as they’re UK conversion and think, “yeah that’s about the same,” but when you get paid in dollars and a pack of chicken nuggets sets you back more than 8 of them…well it’s gonna be bread and water for dinner tonight buddy.
I mean who doesn’t feel like they’re flashing the cash when they’re carrying a whole handful of bills…but then you remember the ones you have are worth ONE dollar. This is all well and good if you’re shopping in the dollar store…but even then they add tax at the end.
If I go in to a place where everything is one dollar I expect to come out with 7 items for 7 dollars… but it doesn’t work that way…and it gets me every time. Then you have the coins… the dime and nickel thing is guesswork for me; a nickel is bigger than a dime… 25c is called a quarter… one cent is called a penny… so why aren’t they all pennies?
I would rather break a $20 to pay for something with actual change. But hey on the upside my sons piggy bank is making big bucks…I just cant figure out how much that is!
I miss the familiarity of it all, the ease of asking anything with confidence and knowing that more than one person will be able to help me out or the ability to drive from one place to another without needing a stiff drink to calm my nerves. In short, there’s nothing I miss because it’s all here… it’s all the same and yet completely different and THAT has been the hardest change to deal with.

You Couldn’t Hurt My Feelings Today If You Tried.

Today is monumental.  I am filled with glee.

My first article was published on Elite Daily!

Seriously, go check it out.  Share it with your mom, your dad, your friends, that weird guy on the bus, even your dog may even perk up at the thought of a little financial advice from yours truly.

And the fact that they chose the majestic face of Leo DeCaps to correspond with my article is a sure fire sign that we are destined to be together in holy matrimony and love each other until the end of time.

Click To Read

more money, more problems.

more money, more problems.