50 Thoughts I Have While Watching House Hunters

IT’S A GUEST POST, Y’ALL.  HOP ON THE VIRTUAL FRIEND WAGON AND SEE WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY.  

I’m not southern, in the slightest, but that just seemed to fit so wonderfully.  

Anyways, I am thrilled to announce to the interwebs that I have found someone who shares the same brain capacity as myself – I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not – and is obsessed with HGTV and all it’s DIY filled glory that normal humans (even those with Pinterest accounts) will never be able to achieve.

Take it away, Taylor!

Hi, my name is Taylor and I blog over at Pinstripes & Lipgloss. I’m not sure if Meg is still busy trying to find a purpose for the multitude of fruit that has graced her office or trying to open a stubborn box of wine, but today you’re stuck with me instead.

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Like Meg, I enjoy a good HGTV show now and then (“now and then” defined as “way too often for someone in their 20’s”). My favorite of HGTV’s offerings is House Hunters. A true classic, House Hunters always promises 30 minutes of houses I can’t afford, bad kitchen cabinetry, and people who will probably later regret that they ever agreed to be on television.

Today I’m going to share with you the thoughts I have when I watch House Hunters, because there is nothing more interesting than reading the thoughts of a random person you have just virtually met (except for organizing your sock drawer).

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… WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

 

  1. They seem like a nice couple.

  2. Wait, they’re newlyweds? Oh, no. They’re the worst.

  3. Did she just mention starting a family? His face says that’s the first time she’s brought it up. Awkward.

  4. Well I guess they can use those five bedrooms for his jam sessions with his bros if the whole kid thing doesn’t work out.

  5. Their budget is $200k. In the middle of Miami? Good luck finding a cardboard box 20 miles from the beach.

  6. They also want a backyard that faces northeast, a kitchen with stainless steel appliances, AND a pool. I can’t even.

  7. Even the realtor knows this is ridiculous.

  8. This first house seems nice. I’d live there.

  9. The living room isn’t big enough for them? Are they wanting it to double as an indoor football arena?

  10. They like everything in the kitchen but the cabinetry…last time I checked, that’s removable.

  11. “Bob, I don’t know if we can live without a pool.” Wow can you say #firstworldproblems?

  12. This second house might be more promising. It has a pool.

  13. The paint color? Really? HAVE YOU EVER USED A PAINTBRUSH IT IS NOT THAT HARD

  14. It doesn’t have a fireplace because you didn’t ask your realtor for one. Your bad. You can’t have everything.

  15. Is it really necessary for both of you to stand in the shower and make sure you fit?

  16. Typical newlyweds.

  17. I’m uncomfortable.

  18. I’m almost more uncomfortable about the fact that she has that haircut and somehow she was married before me.

  19. The realtor just made this worse by laughing at his shower joke.

  20. Eew.

  21. If this closet were any bigger, I’d think they wanted to hide dead bodies or something.

  22. He’s wearing tube socks and khakis. He seems like the type that would.

  23. Do they let serial killers on this show? I suppose they’d have no way of knowing.

  24. Alright, house number three. Maybe this is going to be the one.

  25. She’s already complaining about the siding. Maybe not.

  26. Again, THE CARPET IS REPLACEABLE.

  27. eye roll

  28. sigh

  29. It’s a FIVE-minute walk to the beach…yes, you’re right. That’s much too far. How could you be expected to walk that far? You might have to stop and rest on the way there.

  30. Does the husband always wear the same shirt? Gross.

  31. Oh and there she goes with the baby comment again. He is visibly uncomfortable.

  32. Would their baby be tall or short? Hmm.

  33. The master bedroom looks “dated.” What does that even mean?

  34. Does your terrier NEED a large backyard? Have you asked him?

  35. I hate people.

  36. Now the kitchen appliances are too old. Apparently 2005 is too old.

  37. Get some real problems.

  38. Also, just be glad they’re stainless steel.

  39. For your budget, you’re just lucky this house has walls.

  40. Okay, now which one are they going to pick?

  41. None of them seemed like a good option.

  42. I think it’s going to be number one.

  43. Wait what? Number three??

  44. Aww look, they’re all moved in.

  45. Is that a baby bump she has?? No wait, that’s just a bad shirt choice.

  46. What were they thinking with the decor? Is this supposed to be “nursing home chic?”

  47. Ugh.

  48. I’m never watching this stupid show again.

  49. Never.

  50. Okay, fine. There’s nothing better on.

 ***

What show do you love to hate? Do you feel the same way about House Hunters that I do?

Thanks for letting me stop by today. If you enjoyed the sass, you can find more on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or at my blog.

 

 

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8 comments

  1. My local favorite: “Yes, I realize that the local median house price in Hawaii is $700,000 but I just arrived here from Omaha and I need a house. What can you get me for $185,000 with 3/2 and a nice ocean view?”

Talk is cheap, but I'm on a budget anyway...

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