One of my most
embarrassing memorable nights in college was when I was alone on a Saturday night eating kettle corn and watching Heavyweights on my top bunk. After it was over, I was too lazy to get down to put it on my desk, so I gently dropped it onto my roommates bunk below, but missed and it shattered on the floor.
So no, I did not have a boyfriend in college.
The idea of finding your significant other in college is a nice thought. The reality of it is that you can’t just get a boyfriend or girlfriend. There are no stores that sell them. If it was that easy, I’d be married to Charlie Hunnam right now.
As much as movies, television shows and romantic novels make it seem like love just falls out of the sky and hits you in the face with a football on a fall day, where you take one look at the culprit and you’re immediately bonded and connected over the embarrassment of it all, it’s simply not the case. Finding a significant other takes time, effort, and frankly, money. If you’re not willing to shell out those three things, it is going to be a long road.
I’m not saying that an initial attraction and a spontaneous injury is unlikely. But I am. Those stories are one in a million. If you happen to be one of those pretty girls perfectly dressed walking to class and that beautiful guy catches you as you clumsily fall, I’m happy for you, you’re a living, breathing fairy tale.
But for many people navigating through college, finding a significant other on top of studying, passing classes, maintaining a social life, and figuring out how to deal with college loans, unfortunately falls to the back of the line when it comes to priorities.
Not to be offensive, but if finding a significant other in college is your priority, you may want to rethink the idea of wasting thousands of dollars a year to find love when you can just pay a monthly fee at Match.com. There are plenty of cheaper alternatives for finding a date than tuition that costs an arm and a leg. You’ll be paying off your loans until you’re at least thirty, and that guy or girl you skipped so many classes to hang out with, well they may or may not be along for that financially depressing ride.
Again, this is not saying that finding your perfect mate with a common interest in political sociology at 8am isn’t real life, but passing that class and graduating on time may actually get you a job at a law firm, and think about the pool of applicants you’ll have to choose from then.
For a lot of people in college, getting through a string of ridiculously difficult classes in an extremely demanding major is a priority. And rightfully so. You should never, ever feel bad for focusing on a career instead of a boyfriend. Personal growth and happiness far outweighs the benefits of having someone to go to a dance with, although that is severely underrated when you don’t have someone to go to a dance with.
But for reals, use these four formative years to work on yourself and figure out what YOU want to do.
College is an amalgam of human beings with diverse interests – so it’s not unlikely that you’ll find someone you connect with. Whether or not that person or people end up becoming a romantic involvement is up for debate. There are plenty of people, myself included, who had a blasty blast in college without dating someone. Flings and hookups and platonic relationships are all beneficial to personal development. So if it’s not a full blown serious affair, don’t worry about it, you’ve got the rest of your life to be serious, have fun for once.
The good news about not having it be an official relationship is that you have the excuse of that thing you’re really there for, school.
It’s hard not to compare yourself with others, but know that if it doesn’t happen for you like it does for your friends, you’re not going to die alone. It all ends up being a timing issue. Those four years that your friend focused on boys allowed you to excel at school and land a badass job that you’ve always wanted. It allowed you to empower yourself and find out what makes YOU tick.
Plus, late bloomers are totally in because everyone loves a good looking human being with a head on her shoulders who has a job, a degree, and a direction in life.
Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Don’t worry about graduating and not locking someone down for the rest of your life. All good things come to those who wait. Timing is everything.
You never know. You may end up dating the kid you had a crush on in fifth grade fifteen years later. So those four years weren’t a total waste because you were more focused on passing classes instead of passing notes.
10 thoughts on “College Confessions: I Was Too Busy Watching Heavyweights Alone In My Dorm Room To Find A Boyfriend”
Of couse this is likely fiction.
… Oh, I assure you. It is not.
I’m so glad I didn’t end up with one of the guys I dated in college, who shall forever be known as Potato Chip Guy. He worked at a potato chip factory, (a real catch) so every week I’d get a huge bag of cheese corn or BBQ chips. I was very popular on my dorm floor, as you can imagine. Then one day just a half hour before he was supposed to pick me up on his motorcycle (because of course) for a date, he dumped me. On the phone. That was the 80s equivalent to breaking up via text. So long Potato Chip Guy. You were a real dip.
Hahaha! Potato chip guy. It’s so funny to look back and even think of the prospects I had. None of which really amounted to anything today… so I’m super glad it worked out the way it did. Hindsight is twenty/twenty!
you’re posts always crack me up!
Thanks for reading them!!!
Girl up and just admit it was that incurable addiction to pumpkin spice lattes and UGG boots that negated any hopes of a lasting relationship.
I would, but it was more like my addiction to the all you can eat buffets at dining halls.
Love love love it. I’m of course in a relationship during college, but I still think that college needs to be a period of growth. I’m in a LDR which in a lot of ways has been one of the best situations. I’ve been able to essentially still do college alone and find myself, instead of spending every day with my boyfriend eating Chinese food and watching Scandal, which would totally happen.
Exactly! This wasn’t an attack on people in relationships, because if you find someone in college, that’s amazing. More of a reflection on people saying you HAVE to find that person in college or you’re doomed. Thanks for reading 🙂