I’m Thankful For The Facebook Timeline Feature Because Now I Can Relive My Glory Days With The Click Of A Button.

Everyone!  Let’s give a round of applause for technology and the permanent trail of embarrassment that is the internet!

Just when you think you’ve escaped the metaphorical black hole that was your life in middle and high school, Facebook is here with the Timeline Activity feature that allows you to click a year and see just what you wrote during that specific time period.  Let’s bring back those cringeworthy flirt posts, relive that awkward drunk message you wrote to that kid you don’t even know, and by all means, take a loosky at that time you thought it was a good idea to wear plaid pants and high top sneakers.

I like to put my life on display.  Mostly because I think that if I admit to myself and the world how much of an embarassment to society I was between the ages of my entire life 12-22, maybe I can help others not make the same mistakes.

So, today I am thankful for Facebook.  I am so excited that I get a permanent reminder of how much of a jackass I was when I was sixteen and constantly get to see my blatant disregard for proper capitalization and grammar.  I guess hindsight is twenty/twenty.

Here are some highlights from my Facebook past:

0

Zo zerious, in fact, that I couldn’t even use an ‘S’

1

Halfway convinced that my mother actually wrote this status instead of me.  But then I remember that she can barely work Microsoft Word in 2014, so there’s no way she could have hacked into my Facebook account back in 2006.

2

I never got a humpback whale. WHERE IS MY HUMPBACK WHALE.

3

#FutureEnglishMajor #FutureTeacher

4

Well, there you have it folks, you can finally tell people you know someone who has risen from the dead. I’m pretty sure it sucked when I was dead, but I can assure you, being alive is way more fun.

5

So, I’m not half asian. Not even in the slightest bit. So I don’t think I can regret it, but clearly it was something I felt strongly about this night.

6

Honestly, this is a personal problem and I’m getting it checked out.  I didn’t realize I was so willy nilly about exposing personal struggles via such a public forum, but I guess a lot was going on in life in 2008.

7

Like I said, clearly a lot was going on in my life where I wasn’t concerned about being implicated for the murder of my professor.  Like how shitty of a criminal am I?

Sidenote: I didn’t actually murder my professor, but he’s definitely not here to talk about it anymore.

8

This is a brilliant idea and I don’t know why I haven’t rethought of this.  Probably because I came to the conclusion that bathtubs are generally riddled with the remnants of dirty people, therefor, I realized I was washing my clothes in liquid human filth. #graphic #visuals

9

This is what I was concerned about when I studied abroad.  This is also why I gained twenty-five pounds before I came back.

10

Valid. They were. And I legit never got them back.

Hey! Let’s be social and make bad decisions together, follow me on Facebook, and I’ll do the same for you.  LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.

***

Have you ever posted anything on the internet you later regretted?  What’s your best/most embarrassing post?

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12 comments

  1. Lol this is hilarious. There are plenty of pictures I’ve posted that I look at now and scream OMG, haha. They’ve all now been deleted or put in private groups for nights with friends, wine, and laughter.

  2. For me, it was more like those old college photos that were printed out and scanned in years later, posted on Facebook , then an old acquaintance tags you. Then your wife sees them before you and is like “what did you do in college?”

  3. I look back at some of the posts and pictures I put on Facebook and I’m like “Wow, what was I thinking?” It’s even more hilarious when I access my old MySpace page and look at the stuff I posted when I was about 17 years old (for all of you who forgot…MySpace was briefly cool before Facebook came rushing in).

    • OMG1 I’ve been trying to get back into my MySpace and AOL accounts forever. I tried recovering my passwords, but to no avail. I NEED to get back in there… I was so elusive with my password process back then apparently – I can’t remember them for the life of me. And that’s so sad! Or not so sad, I was probably very liberal with my postings on that forum as well….

      • The last time I was on MySpace, the whole user interface (UI) had changed. It’s more of a place for discovering music now. All of my old pictures and other stuff was still there, just moved to a much cleaner, sophisticated looking design (the original design was pretty childish and amateur).

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  5. Meg, this is great! I stumbled upon your blog from WordPress’ daily prompt and really enjoyed your viewpoint. Have you ever considered downloading your Facebook history? I have, but I haven’t had the time to go through it all…

    • Oh god! That is terrifying. But maybe one day when I’m feeling particularly bad about myself, I’ll download and realize there’s nowhere to go but up. Thanks for stopping by! I gave you a follow, and look forward to reading your stuff!

  6. Omg I’m not sure if you’ve read my post on the subject, but I also wrote about my old Facebook posts. I think my favorite was an angsty 8th grade Facebook post where I compared trying to understand men to trying to teach a rat to speak Chinese. Horrifying that this is now somewhere on the internet. *facepalm* Thank goodness we all grow up…with the curse that Facebook is now there to record all of it.

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