Every year on Thanksgiving I promise myself that I will limit my food intake like a civilized human being who practices restraint and self control, and then every year after dinner on Thanksgiving I immediately unbutton my pants and say the words, “Diet tomorrow.”
It could be that I’m just so thankful for food. But it also could be that I am a gluttonous human being and make a point to eat everything in sight like it’s the last time food will ever enter my body. I honestly don’t even like cranberry sauce, but the idea of something disappearing without me ever getting a chance to enjoy it is enticing enough every year to make me slap it on my plate and immediately regret it.
Meanwhile, my father sits at the head of table practically bathing in cranberry sauce while wishing he had a third arm to help put all the food into his mouth before he passes out on the couch ten minutes after the meal is over. #FoodComa
But the nature of the holiday at some costs seems to be lost. While there is an emphasis on spending the time with your loved ones and eating a crap ton of food until you have to put your fat jeans on from college, the purpose of the holiday itself is to be thankful for all we have. But why do we do that just one day of the year?
In my opinion, holidays are just reminders that we’re all shitty people who are self-involved to the point that we need an actual DAY OFF from our lives to remember that we should be thankful for what we have. When did our society become selfish enough to not appreciate the gifts, the people, and the good in our lives on a daily basis?
If you are one of those superhumans who are innately good and caring and wonderful, I salute you, you’re doing the work of a modern-day saint. But for the rest of us millennials, we’re all too busy slaving away from 9-5 trying to make enough money to afford our apartments, maintain active social lives, and keep up an appearance that we’re actually adults.
I’ve also been in this weird funk lately where I hate any and everyone, so I’m going to use this mini blog series as a way to combat the innerdemons of an overly privileged white girl from Connecticut.
For the next week, in preparation for Thanksgiving, I will be listing off things I am thankful for; because we should be thankful for things that bless us every day, regardless of how big or small they are. I cannot promise they will be serious. But I can promise food and wine will be mentioned.
Today, I’m thankful for pajamas.
Much like everyone else who works 9-5 or just a job in general, you have to get dressed in the morning. And while all of us would like a job that you can wear sweatpants all day, the number of openings for gym teachers are limited because the United States doesn’t seem to think exercise is a necessity for children.
I wake up every day and put my pants on one leg at a time. And really, I mean that because I actually need to concentrate on just getting that one leg in there and plant it for support so I don’t fall over. But there is no better feeling than watching the minutes tick down on your work clock so you can remove all the constrictive attire you’re forced to wear all day, envisioning that pair of pajamas blissfully sitting folded and tucked away in your closet or dresser, awaiting your arrival.
And for reals, big boobs or small boobs, all women know what a nuisance it is to have those puppies strapped to your person like a gun holster. The countdown to bra removal is so real I am doing it right now. I’m sure men can related to this on some level, but then again, no they can’t because they don’t have boobs.
I salute you, pajamas, for giving my body an outlet free from judgment. Because no one can really judge attractiveness when it comes to sleepwear. Personally, I like to greet my bed wearing a XXL Bruce Springsteen tshirt and a pair of my brother’s sweatpants. My roommates take a more adult approach and wear clothing that fits. They’re like all put together and stuff though.
I am thankful that pajamas are my go to outfit from Friday to Sunday and it’s not frowned upon in the slightest if I don’t change out of them and stay horizontal for 36 hours straight. Sure, showering is like totally encouraged, but if you don’t know one really knows. Shhhhh.
Whatever your night time outfit is, make sure you give it a high five tonight. Make sure you hug that ratty tshirt you’ve been wearing for six years a little tighter. Say thanks to the clothes that give you through the strength to get through the workday as well as through the night.
4 thoughts on “Countdown to Thanksgiving: A Tribute To America’s Greatest Holiday”
Because of those damn Yuropeens we now have to measure our holiday food consumption in metric craptons and I don’t like it a damn bit. Get off my lawn.
Lol at the pajamas. I’m always thankful for a pair fuzzy socks after a long day of work/long night out in heels.
Yes, I immediately put on my coziest pair of socks when I get home. And slippers!