One of my most
embarrassing memorable nights in college was when I was alone on a Saturday night eating kettle corn and watching Heavyweights on my top bunk. After it was over, I was too lazy to get down to put it on my desk, so I gently dropped it onto my roommates bunk below, but missed and it shattered on the floor.
So no, I did not have a boyfriend in college.
The idea of finding your significant other in college is a nice thought. The reality of it is that you can’t just get a boyfriend or girlfriend. There are no stores that sell them. If it was that easy, I’d be married to Charlie Hunnam right now.
As much as movies, television shows and romantic novels make it seem like love just falls out of the sky and hits you in the face with a football on a fall day, where you take one look at the culprit and you’re immediately bonded and connected over the embarrassment of it all, it’s simply not the case. Finding a significant other takes time, effort, and frankly, money. If you’re not willing to shell out those three things, it is going to be a long road.
I’m not saying that an initial attraction and a spontaneous injury is unlikely. But I am. Those stories are one in a million. If you happen to be one of those pretty girls perfectly dressed walking to class and that beautiful guy catches you as you clumsily fall, I’m happy for you, you’re a living, breathing fairy tale.
But for many people navigating through college, finding a significant other on top of studying, passing classes, maintaining a social life, and figuring out how to deal with college loans, unfortunately falls to the back of the line when it comes to priorities.
Not to be offensive, but if finding a significant other in college is your priority, you may want to rethink the idea of wasting thousands of dollars a year to find love when you can just pay a monthly fee at Match.com. There are plenty of cheaper alternatives for finding a date than tuition that costs an arm and a leg. You’ll be paying off your loans until you’re at least thirty, and that guy or girl you skipped so many classes to hang out with, well they may or may not be along for that financially depressing ride.
Again, this is not saying that finding your perfect mate with a common interest in political sociology at 8am isn’t real life, but passing that class and graduating on time may actually get you a job at a law firm, and think about the pool of applicants you’ll have to choose from then.
For a lot of people in college, getting through a string of ridiculously difficult classes in an extremely demanding major is a priority. And rightfully so. You should never, ever feel bad for focusing on a career instead of a boyfriend. Personal growth and happiness far outweighs the benefits of having someone to go to a dance with, although that is severely underrated when you don’t have someone to go to a dance with.
But for reals, use these four formative years to work on yourself and figure out what YOU want to do.
College is an amalgam of human beings with diverse interests – so it’s not unlikely that you’ll find someone you connect with. Whether or not that person or people end up becoming a romantic involvement is up for debate. There are plenty of people, myself included, who had a blasty blast in college without dating someone. Flings and hookups and platonic relationships are all beneficial to personal development. So if it’s not a full blown serious affair, don’t worry about it, you’ve got the rest of your life to be serious, have fun for once.
The good news about not having it be an official relationship is that you have the excuse of that thing you’re really there for, school.
It’s hard not to compare yourself with others, but know that if it doesn’t happen for you like it does for your friends, you’re not going to die alone. It all ends up being a timing issue. Those four years that your friend focused on boys allowed you to excel at school and land a badass job that you’ve always wanted. It allowed you to empower yourself and find out what makes YOU tick.
Plus, late bloomers are totally in because everyone loves a good looking human being with a head on her shoulders who has a job, a degree, and a direction in life.
Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Don’t worry about graduating and not locking someone down for the rest of your life. All good things come to those who wait. Timing is everything.
You never know. You may end up dating the kid you had a crush on in fifth grade fifteen years later. So those four years weren’t a total waste because you were more focused on passing classes instead of passing notes.