Apparently Beyonce Couldn’t Find Any Words That Rhyme With Elevator

In case you missed being alive yesterday, the internet almost broke when Beyonce released a remix to her song ‘Flawless,’ and she finally addressed the infamous fight between Jay-Z and Solange.

The only problem was that apparently, she couldn’t find any words that rhymed with elevator, so she just repeated it.

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
When it’s a billion dollars on an elevator

Hey, maybe I’m being a little too harsh on the Beester (is that cool, Beyonce fanatics?).  Maybe the repetitive nature of that word was for emphasis.  But just in the rare event that my assumptions about pop culture billionaires are correct, I want to remind Beyonce that there are, in fact, a bunch of words that do rhyme with elevator.

Here is the list of potentially badass alternative lyrics to her verse using words that rhyme (imaginarily copyrighted by yours truly):

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
Because my sister is a straight up instigator

Everyone who is anyone  has seen that video and knows that Solange throws the first punch.  Thus, making her a straight up instigator.  Rhyme life, 101.

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
I need help, please call the operator

This verse would be plausible because 911 is three numbers and when you’re in the midst of a sister-husband spat, you don’t have time to dial three numbers.  The operator is the clear choice here, with only having to press 0, then voice your safety concerns.

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
They buggin’ out, I need an exterminator

Beyonce can use this clever pun about bugs and extermination to illustrate how crazy is got up in that metal box.  What do you do when S and Jay are going  crazy?  Call the only man who can extinguish their asses.

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
She stole my shoes, they made of alligator

Classic sister feud here that has gone on a little too long.  Jay Z finally said something because he couldn’t stand to listen to Beyonce complain about Solange stole her alligator shoes back in the day.  Dude just trying to get them heels back for his lady.  Can’t be mad about that.

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
This aint my husband, he an impersonator

On the flip side, people are really good at pretending to be people they aren’t.  Have you ever been on Sunset Boulevard? Well, me either, but you bet your bottom dollar that those celebrity impersonators are about as realistic as Kirstie Alley staying away from baked goods.

We escalate, up in this bitch like elevators
Of course sometimes shit go down
Cause Arnold Schwarzenegger was the Governator

They live in California, Solange doesn’t.  Jay just wanted to air his political grievances in the privacy of the elevator.  Yet, Solange, being the Terminator aficionado that she is, couldn’t let it go.  And then, BOOM, explosion.


Just goes to show that you can have a zillion people making you look good every day, and you still can’t find the help to put together a simple rhyme scheme.  I’m content being poor and making myself look dumb, at least I don’t pay anyone.

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