An Open Letter to Valentine’s Day

I just have one thing to say to Valentines Day.

Stop making everyone so cynical.

There are a myriad of scenarios.  You feel crappy cause you aren’t celebrating with anyone.  When you do have someone you’re annoyed because he or she isn’t happy with what you planned.  If you’re the awful person who isn’t happy with what your boyfriend or girlfriend planned, I hate you.

If you are one of the people who has a ‘special someone’ to share this blessed day in February with, for the love of God, do not nitpick.  There is nothing worse than waking up and realizing you have a hundred things to do, and only ten minutes to get them done.

Men wake up and feel like this every. single. day.

If it’s not in their direct line of sight, they won’t see it.  If it isn’t playing through their headphones, they won’t hear it.  If they are not hungry, they will not think to ask if you are.  If you didn’t tell them about it that hour, they won’t remember it.

Stop putting pressure on one night.  Do not complain that your dinner wasn’t at the restaurant you two had your first kiss, date, or vegetarian option.  Thank the high heavens that he is a good enough sweet talker to get you into the damn place, enjoy your steak and wine, and maybe even each other’s company.

The fact that he even remembered today was a holiday is a miracle in itself.  Men don’t walk down the card aisle and accidentally get time warped for three hours.  Only women do that.  Men see that aisle, cower in fear, and stick their arm out to grab the first one they reach, praying it is at least funny or sentimental.

It is simple: we are wired differently.  Men are linear beings, while women are curved seven ways to Sunday and then bent in half.  Learn this; you will understand why men don’t do things on a woman’s timeline.

If you are one of the (un)lucky people who does not have a sig-oth (significant other for those abbreviatedly challenged) to hang out with, there are also a ton of things you can do to avoid looking, feeling, and acting like a complete moron.

Please do not allow yourself to sit at home on your couch, wallowing in self-pity, crying into a pint of ice cream because you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to help you achieve pink hearted bliss.

Get your lazy ass off the couch and go to a speed dating convention, download Tinder, walk down the street, or go to a bar.  Any of these things will likely result in the meeting of someone remotely interesting.  Because if you’re choosing to sit at home feeling sorry for yourself due to your relationship status, you have bigger fish to fry and those fish involve a heavy dose of medication and a relaxing seat in a psychiatrist’s office.

When the clock strikes midnight, it is no longer Valentine’s Day, so suck it up.  I’ve had sandwiches that have lasted more than twenty-four hours.  In the timeline of life, it’s not a big deal to miss out on one day.  Put on a nice outfit, look good, and go dance your face off with all the other people at the misery commiseration gala at Ruby Tuesdays.

The world will not stop turning if you don’t have a date.  Time will not stop ticking if you can’t get a reservation at your favorite restaurant.  Chaos will not ensue if you decide you’d rather go out with your friends and dance the night away — okay, chaos may ensue.

Regardless of your relationship status, Valentine’s Day should not determine how you feel about yourself.  If anything, it’s a perfect excuse to cheat on your diet, eat seven chocolate bars, and crush a bottle of wine without apologizing to anyone.

Because I’ll tell you this much, if you do that on any other day of the year, you’ll have to hand-write at least six apology notes, and you won’t feel great about it.

Sole Mates.

Hey,

I’m going to be honest. I don’t really know if this will change anything.  But everyone keeps telling me that writing is therapeutic, so I’m going to give it a shot.

I never thought this would happen to me.  To us.  It always happened to the others.  I thought we were different.  Sure, when we first met, we may have got off on the wrong foot; but being forced to hang out with each other made us fast friends.  Pretty soon, we were inseparable.

We were matched up with each other from the start.  It was our job to be together forever.  I never went anywhere without you, and always made sure to stay close.  Our friends were great, too.  There were days, weeks even, where we’d all huddle up, clinging to each other like there was some sort of static electricity binding us to one another, but in reality, it was just destiny.

Sure, there are snags in every relationship – and we were no different.  Some days it just felt like you were one step ahead of me, anticipating my every move.  But the pace was far too fast for me to keep up, and eventually, I got tired, worn down, and defeated. I was cast aside, thrown on the floor, put in a pile to associate with others who were washed up, faded, and used.

But then you joined me, like you always did.  We were the perfect pair.

Our life, although never dull, had its low moments.  It seemed as though we were stuck in a tunnel with no light at the end, wondering when we’d both get to go back home.  I missed our friends.  They were so colorful, so vibrant, much more so than us. We were plain, but it was okay.  We liked it that way.  We went with the flow;  not the most popular of the bunch, but we always got invited to do things.

I got used to spending my time with you, and at the end of the day, it never mattered to me that you were dirty and didn’t smell great. I should have listened during our arguments when you would constantly ask me to, “put myself in your shoes.”

Socks: A love story.

Socks: A love story.

I guess what I’m saying is, I was selfish. I never knew that our time together would end so abruptly.  I never really got to say goodbye.  It was time for our monthly getaway, a trip downtown with friends: tons of water, lots of heat, a place to let loose and get rid of all our stains we’d garnered from the work week.

One minute we were holding hands, spinning in circles.  A couple kids in love, enjoying the water.  Next thing you know, I lost control, and turned around and you were gone.  The pool was crowded, more so than usual.  Must have been spring break or something. I figured I’d catch you when you wanted to dry off.

But I was the only one got to dry off.  I lost you.  I was left, and you were right – we never should have taken our eyes off each other.  It happened for a second and now you’re gone.

I don’t know what else to say.  I guess everything doesn’t come out in the wash.  But I feel as though I serve no purpose.  Life is pointless without you.  I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last.  Even our friends have started distancing themselves from me.  I guess they’re getting more time outdoors – I should be happy for them.

I will never forget you. You were my sole mate.

I hope you’re happy.  Wherever you are.

Love always,

Me.



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