There comes a time in every girl’s life where she has to stand up for what she believes in. It may not be the most popular opinion. It may not win her any awards. But in desperate times you need some desperate measures.
In a nutshell, I’m at war with Chipotle.
My mother was not amused or supportive of my endeavors.
Let me start off by saying this war is 50% my fault. I’m not one to avoid taking responsibility for my actions. I’m also not the type of person to take all the blame for something either.
Back in February, Chipotle ran a haiku contest where entrants were asked to create a, you guessed it, haiku demonstrating their love of all things Chipotle burritos. So naturally, being creatively inclined in the writing department, I decided to take this chance and show the burrito conglomerate what my cerebral cortex really thinks about all the time: snacks.
The prize was two free burritos, chips and guac and a fountain soda of my choosing. JACKPOT.
Cut to the part that is my fault. Much like my entire academic career, I didn’t read the directions. I was so excited, so hopped up on burrito fueled creativity, I completely blanked on when the contest actually started and ended.
The letter of good intentions.
I created the most perfectly crafted haiku that I personally thought would be foolish to ignore as the clear winner, even though I didn’t see, read or care about any other haikus in the contest. I just knew mine was the best.
I went on a social media blitz. I asked my entire family to vote for me. I was dedicated. The only problem was I completely missed the deadline. The contest I so desperately wanted to win had ended three days prior to my attack. I was devastated, heartbroken, and downtrodden.
So I did the only rational thing any human being obsessed with winning a free burrito would do. I wrote Chipotle a letter.
To me, that is a very strongly worded letter. Lots of feelings are involved. I was fully aware that I may be certifiably insane and could be put on Chipotle’s “No Fly” list – do they even have one? Probably.
But I was willing to put my mental state on display to show them how much I love them. Because when I’m committed to something, I am all in, and I wasn’t about to let a big, bad burrito company get the best of me.
NOT TODAY. Not ever.
So, finally Chipotle Joe responds to me. He asks for my mailing address to send me something. I have no idea what it is. I’m just filled with glee.
In my head, I’m thinking they’re sending an inflatable burrito toy, a “Lifetime Member” pin for my sweaters, maybe even a thousand coupons and free burritos for life.
The possibilities were endless.
Then a week went by, two weeks, and still nothing in the mail. So, maybe it got lost, so I sent Chipotle Joe another message. You know, just to check on the status of things. He responded, promptly.
Chipotle Joe is on my shit list.
But now were almost two months in, and I still have yet to receive anything.
I’m wondering what I did to deserve this kind of treatment.
Don’t you always reward the best players on the team with the MVP trophy? Don’t you always give the promotion to the person who deserves it most? Don’t you care at all about people who love burritos?
My conclusion is that Chipotle does not care. And I may be asking a lot, but I’m asking all of you to boycott them.
Or just be on my side with this one. I know I may sound a little off the sane wagon, and by a little, I mean I’m fully aware that I’ve probably been blacklisted by Chipotle.
But I just need to feel validated. I need to know that what I’ve done cannot be ignored and I deserve my Lifetime Member pin!
What do you think? Am I really crazy? Or is Chipotle wrong? (Think before you answer, or you may be receiving one of these letters, and no one wants that.)