It’s Safe To Say Chipotle Blacklisted Me

There comes a time in every girl’s life where she has to stand up for what she believes in.  It may not be the most popular opinion.  It may not win her any awards.  But in desperate times you need some desperate measures.

In a nutshell, I’m at war with Chipotle.

My mother was not amused or supportive of my endeavors.

My mother was not amused or supportive of my endeavors.

Let me start off by saying this war is 50% my fault.  I’m not one to avoid taking responsibility for my actions.  I’m also not the type of person to take all the blame for something either.

Back in February, Chipotle ran a haiku contest where entrants were asked to create a, you guessed it, haiku demonstrating their love of all things Chipotle burritos.  So naturally, being creatively inclined in the writing department, I decided to take this chance and show the burrito conglomerate what my cerebral cortex really thinks about all the time: snacks.

The prize was two free burritos, chips and guac and a fountain soda of my choosing. JACKPOT.

Cut to the part that is my fault.  Much like my entire academic career, I didn’t read the directions. I was so excited, so hopped up on burrito fueled creativity, I completely blanked on when the contest actually started and ended.

The letter of good intentions.

The letter of good intentions.

I created the most perfectly crafted haiku that I personally thought would be foolish to ignore as the clear winner, even though I didn’t see, read or care about any other haikus in the contest.  I just knew mine was the best.

I went on a social media blitz.  I asked my entire family to vote for me. I was dedicated.  The only problem was I completely missed the deadline.  The contest I so desperately wanted to win had ended three days prior to my attack.  I was devastated, heartbroken, and downtrodden.

So I did the only rational thing any human being obsessed with winning a free burrito would do.  I wrote Chipotle a letter.

(see above)

To me, that is a very strongly worded letter. Lots of feelings are involved.  I was fully aware that I may be certifiably insane and could be put on Chipotle’s “No Fly” list – do they even have one? Probably.

But I was willing to put my mental state on display to show them how much I love them.  Because when I’m committed to something, I am all in, and I wasn’t about to let a big, bad burrito company get the best of me.

NOT TODAY. Not ever.

So, finally Chipotle Joe responds to me.  He asks for my mailing address to send me something.  I have no idea what it is. I’m just filled with glee.

In my head, I’m thinking they’re sending an inflatable burrito toy, a “Lifetime Member” pin for my sweaters, maybe even a thousand coupons and free burritos for life.

The possibilities were endless.

Then a week went by, two weeks, and still nothing in the mail.  So, maybe it got lost, so I sent Chipotle Joe another message.  You know, just to check on the status of things.  He responded, promptly.

(see below)

chip2

Chipotle Joe is on my shit list.

But now were almost two months in, and I still have yet to receive anything.

I’m wondering what I did to deserve this kind of treatment.

Don’t you always reward the best players on the team with the MVP trophy?  Don’t you always give the promotion to the person who deserves it most?  Don’t you care at all about people who love burritos?

My conclusion is that Chipotle does not care.  And I may be asking a lot, but I’m asking all of you to boycott them.

Or just be on my side with this one.  I know I may sound a little off the sane wagon, and by a little, I mean I’m fully aware that I’ve probably been blacklisted by Chipotle.

But I just need to feel validated. I need to know that what I’ve done cannot be ignored and I deserve my Lifetime Member pin!

What do you think?  Am I really crazy?  Or is Chipotle wrong? (Think before you answer, or you may be receiving one of these letters, and no one wants that.)

 

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(Slightly) Above Average Intelligence

Every so often life comes along and instead of slapping you in the face, it rewards you with a big ol’ hug and a goblet of wine.

In my life, I mostly get slapped in the face, a bad night in heels, less than eight hours of sleep, or not enough milk in the carton to adequately submerge my cinny toast crunchies.

I feel like, in general, I live a pretty average life.  I’m not extremely athletic, a really good singer, or incredibly smart. I don’t know how to appropriately portion my desserts, find pants that fit, or figure out for the life of me why there is a silent P in pterodactyl.

But today is a milestone.  Today life gave me a warm embrace, and a big fat glass of Pinot Noir – because I finally found out that I was good at something!

In my original post, I mentioned that I wasn’t particularly book smart.  While I maintain that notion, I do want to not completely throw myself under the bus here, because I do think I have some sort of redeeming value in this world. I have a boat load of random knowledge all up in my cranium; I’ve just never had an outlet to show off my cerebral strengths.

UNTIL NOW.

I present to you the game that will make you think you are smarter than you actually are: QuizUp.

At is core, it is a trivia game.  But it adds a competitive edge; because by logging in through Facebook you can challenge your friends. That’s right, you can single-handedly select the people you know are dumber than you and challenge them in a game of wits and fast fingers.

Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hey self, this girl just told the internet world that she wasn’t smart, so I’m gonna challenge her and make life slap her in the face again.”

For that, I applaud you.  Because that means you actually read what I wrote above.  But I encourage you to think twice about challenging me, because I will whoop some internet bootay in the following categories:

Pop: Move over, Madonna, there’s a new Queen of Pop. AND IT’S ME.

Boy Bands:  I wore a boys flannel t-shirt and a visor three days a week in elementary school because of this photo.  Also, know all the ad-libs to every BSB and N*SYNC song.  Not a big deal, but kind of a big deal.

Shopping: Amazon Prime member, Forever 21 addict, Marshall’s and TJMaxx credit card holder. I can’t even contend with myself here.

Logos: When I give directions, I use landmarks as guides rather than street signs.  So naturally, I know a logo before I know the word.

Missing Letters: Fill in the blanks. N_T   IN    MY   H_U_E.

Name The TV Show: I have a sitcom dictionary all up in my noggin.

It’s true, I’ve finally felt what the other half feels.  To be able to be called on in class and know the answer.  To be able to answer a question correctly, rather than making it up. To be able to utilize all the time spent shopping online for retail recognition.

Game on, people.

PS: If you know that you’re like really good at these five categories, please move on and crush someone else’s dreams.  My dreams are fragile, little, sleepy, glass bubbles filled with ponies, chocolate, and brunch buffets. If you mess with those, you may as well commit a real life felony, because you’re robbing me of my life goals.

Happy Quizzing. And thanks to my main man, Ez for telling me “I can”, when all I ever said was, “I don’t want to.”