In the most non-shocking news of the day, men and women are really different.
Women are relational. Men are reserved.
Women are figurative. Men are literal. (Except they literally can’t even sometimes. They die.)
But despite all the differences and the arguments that may arise from them, there are some things that just don’t make sense when it comes to women.
I admit that we are all a little crazy. It’s because we have to think about the fact that after we’re married, we’re most likely going to be confined to our home cleaning up other people’s shit for the next thirty years of our lives.
Anyways, my coworker shared this article from Elite Daily entitled The Dictionary Of Everything Girls Do That Guys Label Crazy (Even Though They’re Not), and again, it gives normal women in the world a bad reputation.
What I want to do is clarify this list of crazy things, explain why this girl is not speaking for all women, and give credit to men where credit is due.
Editor's Note: Original article's 10 thoughts in blue. My 10 thoughts are black, like my soul.
1. Say we’re fine when we are far from fine
If you are at a point in your relationship where you still have to pretend you’re not fine, you need to reevaluate that relationship. Stop making the person you’re with read between the lines. Honestly is the best policy. Tell them you hate the way they chew their food, or that their shoes smell like dog poop. It may not fix the problem, but it damn well will fix the fact that you’ll be pouting for the next thirty minutes and he’ll be wondering why you’re doing it.
2. Eat salad for dinner
Women should not accept salads for dinner as “the norm.” This is the reason for drunk eating, and binging, and hiding food and pretending you have allergies that you don’t (I see you gluten). Eat some bread and get the penne ala vodka and enjoy yourself. Be an adult and know stop you’re full.
3. Take forever to get ready
If you have no one waiting for you, take however long you want. Just don’t tell anyone how long it took you. If someone is waiting for you, be an adult, learn some time management, and get ready in a timely fashion. You’re not a doctor, no one wants to wait for you to decide you’re ready.
4. Spend an entire paycheck on makeup
This is absolutely, positively, mind-blowingly crazy. If you spend your entire paycheck on makeup, I assume you have never learned anything about budgeting. You also probably live at home with your parents and are working a part time job where spending a pay check is a reasonable thing to do because you don’t have normal living expenses.
5. Go to the bathroom in pairs
In a crowded club or bar, absolutely, no one wants to get abducted.
6. Only drink vodka waters
This probably means that you’re constantly worrying about your weight and can’t enjoy life. Have a beer, drink wine, vodka is not the skinny girl drank of all women. I’m sure at the time, you weren’t worried about how you’d look in the morning after sweating on the dance floor, or after taking your heels off and walking home. Deal with the bloating. Have a beer.
7. Eat our feelings
Refer to number 2.
8. Stalk people on social media
Everyone stalks people on social media. It’s the degree to which you do it that’s crazy. If you just met a guy on tinder and have already found out where he went to high school and whether or not he has a sister or a girlfriend in his profile picture, that is where you draw the crazy line.
9. Gossip about our friends then love them 10 minutes later
This is stupid. Man up and talk shit about your friend you hate to the friend you hate. Being an adult sucks, but it comes with the fact that confrontation is expected and respected for a mature friendship to last.
10. Have 10+ pairs of black heels that correspond with our 10+ little black dresses
Girls like collecting clothing, regardless of color or size. But there are men out there who are just as bad with their shoes and hats. So it’s an even playing field in the fashion department.
11. Spend over $100 on a clothing item that is smaller than a piece of underwear
I don’t know what piece of clothing you can justify buying that is smaller than underwear for over $100, but girlfriend, you’re doing it wrong. Go to Marshalls – get more for less.