Things The Golden Globes Taught Me.

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So… want to be friends?

Aside from the fact that Aaron Paul was straight up robbed in broad daylight by Jon Voight in the Best Supporting Actor category, the Golden Globes were entertaining, and also educational.

Here are a few things that I learned while watching:

Falling in love with a robot is not weird.

I guess it makes that whole, ‘I can’t live without my phone’ thing actually possible and acceptable.

Spike Jonze is white.

Got slapped in the face with that bit of knowledge.  Totally unexpected.

Nebraska is so forgotten that it needs its own movie.

And it’s probably all fields, highways, and a good thing to take a nap while watching.  Don’t think you’d miss much.

Chairs/tables on the floor could probably be closer together.

The venue was more crowded than an Italian wedding. I’ve never seen more of a struggle than every single winner trying to navigate through the chair and table forest just to accept the award.  Spread out, people.

People need to take a tip from the Italians and shorten the speeches.

Let’s all make a collective decision to give acceptance speeches in a different language, that way you acknowledge the essentials.  Write a letter thanking the camera man, or Pizza Guy #2 in Drive-By Scene.  I don’t need to hear a novel’s worth of gratitude.

No one actually prepared to win.

Why is this type of unpreparedness not okay in the real world?  Can we all just start showing up for tests without studying, or interviews without researching the company?

Leo DeCaps is flawless.

I’d share my double doored raft in the freezing ocean with you.  Remember that.  I am not Rose. I care. I want you to live. #JackDawsonForLife

Exit music should be required in everyday life.

Someone needs to play music when I think it’s a good idea to call my mom at 12:30am just to ask her what kind of cheese she uses on enchiladas.  It’d also be so helpful for some tune cues to show up when I’m roped into talking to my crazy aunt Nancy about her multi-colored toe socks that she knitted with wool from her personal alpaca.

Woody Allen looks like the dad from Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

The broom and ant scenes were terrifying.  Totally wanted to be shrunk and eat an oreo though, would have been the best moment of my life.

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Rick Moranis
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Woody Allen

If you don’t see it, you’re blind.

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