Lookin’ good, girlfran!
If you answer yes to one or more of the following questions, you may be an old person.
So break out those typewriters, get some chalk and a slate, and let’s talk all talk about all the differences from “when we were your age.”
We’re taking a mental tally and determining if you should be considered a senior citizen and grab yourself a discounted movie ticket!
You may be an old person if:
- Your idea of risky behavior is leaving the free square open in a game of bingo
- Your bedtime is before the nightly news
- Your concept of dinnertime coincides with the phrase “early bird special”
- You frequently style your hair with plastic rollers
- You prefer shoes that are comfortable rather than fashionable
- You only look at movie times prior to noon
- You are visually impaired
- You drive an oversized sedan at a very low speed
- You wear sunglasses that cover three sides of your face
- Leftovers is your favorite meal
- You find yourself using everyday items as a crutch to get you to and from locations
- You often utilize office equipment (rolly chairs) as transportation devices in order to subsidize your desire to own a motorized scooter
- The first thing you order at a diner is a bran muffin with extra raisins
- You hate rap music
- You substitute common curse words with child-friendly versions
- You purchase Activia yogurt
- Your idea of Halloween candy is a cough drop or a Werther’s butterscotch toffee
- Prunes are a regular part of your dietary routine
- You constantly find yourself reminiscing on times of when you were someone’s age
- You find yourself replacing social activities with today’s crossword or sudoku puzzle
- You are easily angered and perplexed by the internet
- You find yourself using any excuse to take photos with a physical camera
- You use the term “rest your eyes” instead of “taking a long ass nap”
- Your cell phone is not smart
- You have a coin collection that extends from the spare change in your wallet
- You live in Florida
- You live on a golf course
- You have high cholesterol
- You’re in a book club that doesn’t read books
- You misplace everyday objects like your glasses or your pants
- You have dentures or some sort of teeth protector
- You opt to pay with a check and don’t understand why people are angry or confused about it
- You find yourself outfitted in sweaters and slacks when it’s any temperature below 72
- You yell at children to get off your lawn
- You’re dead
Or you may just be me and be twenty-five and love wine so much that you’d rather sit at home alone and pantless on a Friday night watching Netflix than go out and be social.
