If you were watching the weather at all this week, you are aware of the snowstorm that
almost happened in Boston.
There were forecasts, predictions, and meteorologists swearing on their grandmother Pearl’s grave that there would be a foot of snow rumbling and tumbling all over Beantown.
Naturally, I thought a snow day was in order.
There I am, all snugged up in my bed, ready for an easy peasy day of working in sweatpants, and I hear my cell phone ring.
This is a sound that no one wants to hear at six am, because it only means that a parking ban has been lifted and it is okay to drive on the roads. And unfortunately, it means I have to go to work.
I walk outside, and there is probably two inches of snow. At most. I am not that great at math, but I know two and twelve are VERY different numbers.
Two babies is manageable, twelve babies is an infant army. Two cookies is dessert, twelve cookies is still delicious, but also a guaranteed stomach ache. Two drinks is a Monday, twelve drinks is a Saturday.
What I’m saying is, the weathermen were wrong. And this is not the first time I’ve planned to be a couch potato and had to wake up and run a marathon. They are just unreliable most of the time.
Being right about 50% of the time is something with which I am particularly familiar. But, I am not a weatherman. I am a mere citizen relying on such information to prepare for my day to day commute.
What would happen if weatherman made predictions in other fields?
Pregnancy: Well, congratulations! Strong possibility for either a boy or a girl at the end of this term. Overnight, expect minimal sleep, and constant discomfort. Conditions are perfect for mood swings, obscure cravings, and swollen feet.
Referees: The momentum of the ball is covering significant ground. Still unsure if it will result in a field goal. Later tonight, fans will temporarily go insane due to a botched call, but look for a return in judgement tonight after a few beers. (There’s a 100% chance that referees are already weathermen due to the fact that they never get anything right.)
Runaway Brides: We’re seeing a pretty big cold front coming in, coupled with a strong set of nerves arising from the east. Keep your tissues and your car keys handy, there is a strong possibility that your bride will be running to a warmer climate at 4pm. #cuffyochick
Angry Spouses: Bad news for anyone who wanted to enjoy a stress-free weekend. Unfortunately, there is no love or happiness forecasted for the next five days. Looks like setting up a tent in the backyard is the only way you’ll catch some sleep.
Award Shows: There are rarely any surprises in this region, so be prepared to witness the same movies winning every single category. Be sure to stick close to your remote control, as you’ll want to change the channel pretty frequently.
Cafeteria Food: Strong possibility for grilled cheese and chicken tenders. Also a large portion of the food will be leftovers from yesterday, or last week. Minimal chance for salads, or anything remotely healthy.
… hey, maybe they’d be more accurate though?