Because this is what people are really thinking:
- No, I don’t want to play candy crush. The only candy I crush is Butterfingers, by the bar.
- I’d love for you to not post another picture of your baby.
- I’m not bitter about your engagement, I’m just not interested in seeing four hundred pictures of your ring.
- Please, tell me more about your shitty work day.
- That screenshot conversation between you and your significant other is stupid.
- Your political rant does not make you a politician.
- That’s a lovely picture that you posted that you also took of yourself.
- I like your dog, I want to take it.
- Everyone hates Mondays, you’re not alone.
- Yes, I did know that it is cold outside, because I am alive and wore my down jacket and froze my ass off walking to work.
- I agree, the 90’s were awesome.
- That throwback Thursday pic is bangin.
- Your food looks delicious.
- Your food looks disgusting.
- I wish I defriended all of you a long time ago.
- Why do I have Facebook?
- Why do you have so many feelings that you feel the need to share via a public forum that you can never retract or delete any of these things?
- Your life is boring.
- My life is more boring.
- I’ve stalked this girl I went to high school with for sixteen minutes.
- I know you got engaged, I saw your seven hundred photos.
- Your baby doesn’t look any different between day 14 of life and day 50.
Go forth, my sons, into the land of overexposure.