Honest Facebook Status Updates

Because this is what people are really thinking:

  • No, I don’t want to play candy crush. ┬áThe only candy I crush is Butterfingers, by the bar.
  • I’d love for you to not post another picture of your baby.
  • I’m not bitter about your engagement, I’m just not interested in seeing four hundred pictures of your ring.
  • Please, tell me more about your shitty work day.
  • That screenshot conversation between you and your significant other is stupid.
  • Your political rant does not make you a politician.
  • That’s a lovely picture that you posted that you also took of yourself.
  • I like your dog, I want to take it.
  • Everyone hates Mondays, you’re not alone.
  • Yes, I did know that it is cold outside, because I am alive and wore my down jacket and froze my ass off walking to work.
  • I agree, the 90’s were awesome.
  • That throwback Thursday pic is bangin.
  • Your food looks delicious.
  • Your food looks disgusting.
  • I wish I defriended all of you a long time ago.
  • Why do I have Facebook?
  • Why do you have so many feelings that you feel the need to share via a public forum that you can never retract or delete any of these things?
  • Your life is boring.
  • My life is more boring.
  • I’ve stalked this girl I went to high school with for sixteen minutes.
  • I know you got engaged, I saw your seven hundred photos.
  • Your baby doesn’t look any different between day 14 of life and day 50.

Go forth, my sons, into the land of overexposure.


What do you love to hate about Facebook?

6 thoughts on “Honest Facebook Status Updates

  1. Many reasons as to why I quit facebook!!! Oh wait…I might have done some of these thing. Damn!!
    Oh and you forgot an important one…”I have had coffee..no need of the million pictures of your Starbucks from various angles!!!!!”

  2. & don’t forget the statuses that go on and on about how other people are so immature. Like it didn’t just take them 20 minutes to come up with all that wit instead of just unfriending whoever they are unsatisfied with!

Talk is cheap, but I'm on a budget anyway...

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