Hot dogs are like real dogs, they’re man’s best friend. Or they’re like your favorite uncle that comes into town and everyone wants to hang out because it’s a special treat. He’s part of the food family, but not immediate like chicken or ham.
He’s the mystery meat. No one really knows how he’s related to you, but you’re so intrigued you’ll stand there with an empty beer and talk to him about absolutely nothing for an hour.
In honor of National Hot Dog Day, here’s a list of why the dog is better than the burg, and why you should drop everything right now and google map the crap out of the nearest stand:
- There’s an obvious sexual innuendo, which is always fun, gratifying, and awkward at family gatherings with small children
- They fit perfectly into one hand, leaving your other hand free for a choco taco or a beverage of your choosing
- You don’t need two, but you can have more than one without being considered overindulgent
- Uni-buns. No top and bottoms for this guy
- They’re mysterious, you never really know what’s in them, and you don’t want to, because then you’d never come back for more
- They’re seasonal, yet always an option
- They’re versatile: grill, steam, boil, or microwave
- Great for sporting events
- You don’t need garnish
- Particularly great when paired with other foods like mac and cheese
- Frank is both a strong boy’s name and a food group
- An alternative to the traditional BBQ food
- But not too much like the veggie burger
- No one ever said, “Hey, you should stop eating those hot dogs”
- Variations appear in all meals: sausages and street meat
- Great for both lunch and dinner
- Man’s best friend
- Chilli dogs win wars and cure cancer
- Condiments are a statement AND an accessory AND a reflection on your personality
- Easy to walk and eat at the same time
- You won’t look dumb at a sporting event
- It’s big enough for a meal and small enough for a snack
- You don’t have to limit yourself to one part of the animal because you never really know where it comes from
- If you’re dangerous, go without the bun
- Good for kids and adults alike
- You’re never too old to eat a hot dog
- Everyone loves dick jokes
Frankly, if you don’t enjoy a frank on a hot day, I don’t want to know you as a person.
Happy National Hot Dog Day!
Thanks to Katie (@) for helping me compile this delicious list and for also seeking out and doing a dog chow down on my lunch break.