people women, in order to enjoy the most perfect excursion, establish justice, make good fashion choices, ensure domestic tranquility, peace of mind, and provide sanity of our peers, must follow the following set of rules when determining which outfits to bring forth on said trip:
Article 1: Overpack
Are you going away for a night, two days, tops? You should most definitely put enough outfits for a week long excursion through Europe. A general rule of thumb: if you have too many outfits in your suitcase, you don’t have enough outfits in your suitcase.
Article 2: Bring Things You Never Intend To Wear
For example, if you plan on going skiing, it’s a good idea to pack a Hula skirt. As women, we tend to fantasize that our decorative costume attire will somehow serve a purpose on our future vacation trips. That, or we like to think that our drunk purchase of a $88 genuine, handcrafted, bamboo hula skirt freshly made by a nice Caribbean man named Peter during Spring Break ’09 wasn’t a complete and total waste of money.
Article 3: Always Pack A Bathing Suit
Point blank, you just never know when there will be a hot tub or an indoor pool. You do not want to be that girl who has to wear some boy’s boxers and the sports bra you brought for sleeping because you were too lazy to stuff two small pieces of fabric into your underwear pocket.
Article 4: Forget Something Important
Toothbrush. Tampons. Make Up. Anything that requires an annoying, necessary, extra trip after an extensive journey is encouraged. You will spend so much time planning your attire for the exterior of your body, you’ll completely forget that you need to adhere to that mondo pimple conveniently located on your forehead, or making sure you’ve supplied yourself with an instrument to ensure your breath doesn’t smell like taquitos and Cabernet each morning.
Article 5: Rely On Friends For Outfit Adjustments
You’ve packed an entire suitcase, but the second everyone does the, “3, 2, 1, UNZIP!” suitcase challenge, it’s a mad dash wardrobe buffet. You brought your favorite outfits, heels that make your legs look awesome, and the dress that makes you look so hot even on a fat day. Yet, you are going to throw all that into the wind and contemplate thoroughly about the kind of lubricant involved in order to fit into your best friend’s size two pants even though you haven’t been that small since sixth grade.
Article 6: Don’t Skimp on Hair Products
If there is one thing that is certain, that is that you don’t know how your hair will react outside its element. You may have a shower sent straight from Jesus himself, but that means nothing when it comes to your hair being outside its natural habitat. Go to CVS, stock up on all the travel bottles and sprays you can fit into that annoying clear plastic bag, and be prepared. There will always be pictures, and frizz looks good on nobody, not even Beyonce.
Article 7: Conveniently Avoid Looking at the Weather
You could be attending your best friends wedding in South Carolina in May. Instinctively, you will equate below the Mason Dixon line with warmth, you will pack accordingly, and get off the plan with shorts and tshirt and a slap in the face from 45 degrees. Please refer to Article 4 where you will forget something important, ie: a jacket, sweatshirt, or your general ability to use a computer and navigate the internet to determine the temperature of your destination.