The Girls’ Guide to Packing for a Trip

We the people women, in order to enjoy the most perfect excursion, establish justice, make good fashion choices, ensure domestic tranquility, peace of mind, and provide sanity of our peers, must follow the following set of rules when determining which outfits to bring forth on said trip:

Article 1: Overpack

Are you going away for a night, two days, tops?  You should most definitely put enough outfits for a week long excursion through Europe. A general rule of thumb: if you have too many outfits in your suitcase, you don’t have enough outfits in your suitcase.

Article 2: Bring Things You Never Intend To Wear

For example, if you plan on going skiing, it’s a good idea to pack a Hula skirt.  As women, we tend to fantasize that our decorative costume attire will somehow serve a purpose on our future vacation trips.  That, or we like to think that our drunk purchase of a $88 genuine, handcrafted, bamboo hula skirt freshly made by a nice Caribbean man named Peter during Spring Break ’09 wasn’t a complete and total waste of money.

Article 3: Always Pack A Bathing Suit

Point blank, you just never know when there will be a hot tub or an indoor pool.  You do not want to be that girl who has to wear some boy’s boxers and the sports bra you brought for sleeping because you were too lazy to stuff two small pieces of fabric into your underwear pocket.

Article 4: Forget Something Important

Toothbrush.  Tampons.  Make Up. Anything that requires an annoying, necessary, extra trip after an extensive journey is encouraged.  You will spend so much time planning your attire for the exterior of your body, you’ll completely forget that you need to adhere to that mondo pimple conveniently located on your forehead, or making sure you’ve supplied yourself with an instrument to ensure your breath doesn’t smell like taquitos and Cabernet each morning.

Article 5: Rely On Friends For Outfit Adjustments

You’ve packed an entire suitcase, but the second everyone does the, “3, 2, 1, UNZIP!” suitcase challenge, it’s a mad dash wardrobe buffet.  You brought your favorite outfits, heels that make your legs look awesome, and the dress that makes you look so hot even on a fat day.  Yet, you are going to throw all that into the wind and contemplate thoroughly about the kind of lubricant involved in order to fit into your best friend’s size two pants even though you haven’t been that small since sixth grade.

Article 6: Don’t Skimp on Hair Products

If there is one thing that is certain, that is that you don’t know how your hair will react outside its element.  You may have a shower sent straight from Jesus himself, but that means nothing when it comes to your hair being outside its natural habitat.  Go to CVS, stock up on all the travel bottles and sprays you can fit into that annoying clear plastic bag, and be prepared.  There will always be pictures, and frizz looks good on nobody, not even Beyonce.

Article 7: Conveniently Avoid Looking at the Weather

You could be attending your best friends wedding in South Carolina in May.  Instinctively, you will equate below the Mason Dixon line with warmth, you will pack accordingly, and get off the plan with shorts and tshirt and a slap in the face from 45 degrees.   Please refer to Article 4 where you will forget something important, ie: a jacket, sweatshirt, or your general ability to use a computer and navigate the internet to determine the temperature of your destination.

On March 19, 2014, The Coalition of Women in the World hereby decree that said rules constitute the process of packing for a trip.  Failure to comply with the above stated rules and regulations will result in the fact that you are either a male, a mother, or a generally organized human being.

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8 comments

  1. Aieee! You forgot unzipping the expansion zipper on the carry on and pretending that it still fits in the overhead bin. Also bringing at least one item that is one size too small because you intend to get healthy on vacation and you just know you’ll fit into it by the end of the trip. Make sure you pack “outfits” for each day, making sure that no one piece may be worn with any other pieces of your wardrobe. That maximizes the amount of clothing you bring. And when you get on the plane, make sure you look around longingly for someone to lift your bag into the overhead bin because you packed far too heavy to lift it yourself.

  2. Thank you for pointing out to the lighter packing race the trials and tribulations you must go through on a weekend trip.

    On the flip side. I find myself trying to find ways to pack á little as possible in the smallest bag possible. Just another way the ladies make us men look a little more crazy.

    Another great post!

    • I don’t understand it at all, but it’s just one of those things where we feel like we need to be prepared for everything that comes our way, and we always end up being completely unprepared. Thanks for reading!

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