I think the best part about dating someone is the moment you realize you’re totally comfortable in front of them.
Or when your only job on your day off is to make a pizza before he comes home from a long day at work, but you burn it within minutes of him walking through the door because you’re trying to defend yourself from an online bullying episode, but it’s okay because he loves you, yet is still really mad at you, and will huff and puff his way over to CVS to buy a new one to make himself.
Seriously, don’t underestimate the importance of a pizza after a long day of work, especially for the male species. Cheese, sauce, bread, and the occasional topping is a diabolical combination that can pretty much cure anything from a bad day at work to civil unrest.
Anyways, the point of this is, you reach a time in your relationship where you become really comfortable with the other person; like, really, really, comfortable. This is so good. But this is also where the lines between appropriate and completely outrageous when taken out of context are also very, very blurry.
I have realized that I am now in that very blurry, shadowy, gray area in my relationship where I don’t know if I should be concerned about the nature of my conversations, or if I just embrace it and fully accept that I’m so weird and another person has chosen to keep me around regardless.
I have also realized that I’m not that weird, because some of my friends have also confirmed that they’re too comfortable in their relationships, which is evident because of some of the things that they’ve revealed to me, in confidence, that they say within the privacy of their own homes.
But privacy is stupid and completely overrated; plus, it’s 2015 and everyone knows everyone’s business, so I’m going to post them on the internet.
Here are some things you might say that make you realize you’re way too comfortable with your significant other. If it sounds normal, it’s probably not.
“We can’t do that tonight, I have plans with my other girlfriend.”
(Note: If he really does have another girlfriend, you should probably be concerned he’s so open about it.)
“Can I pluck that hair? Please.”
“Your mustache is coming in nicely.”
“Why is your face like that?”
“That shirt makes you look like you work at a barber shop. Can you cut my hair?”
“My favorite time to hang out with you is in the morning when you’re asleep and don’t speak.”
“It’s funny to see how your boobs handle gravity.”
“Do you own anything other than a red bathrobe?”
“You look like a waitress from Outback.”
“When was the last time you shaved?”
“Are you wearing your fat pants?”
“Okay, I’m going to fart in the closet.”
“I can grow more facial hair than you.”
“What inspired you to buy that shirt?”
“Your boobs are uneven.”
“You have beefy arms.”
“Why are your pants up so high?”
“Did you poop today?”
“We can’t have sex, you smell so bad.”
“Your breath smells like someone died inside of your mouth.”
“Don’t have coffee, you’re going to poopoo all over the house.”