… or at Target, KMart, Costco or any other variety superstore that requires a list, a plan, and a hefty dose of patience.

1.  Do I need a cart?
2. I should probably get a cart.
3. Damnit, I’m getting a basket. Even though they hurt my arms; the handles aren’t very plush.
4. Okay, where’s my list? Did I bring my list? Dammit, guess I’m going rogue.
5. I’m not buying sale items, I’m only here for the essentials.
6. OH! Look! 50% off bathing suits!
7. Focus.
8. Without a list, I’m just going to go down every aisle in case I miss something.
9. Wait, I’ll stop in the greeting card section for a minute… or twelve.
10. Honestly, who just LEAVES their cart in the middle of the aisle?
11. If it’s empty, I can take it, right?
12. Counting three, two, one. Okay, it’s mine.  Peace out, dumbass basket.
13. Crap, this has a messed up wheel.  That’s why it was abandoned.
14. WHERE THE HELL IS MY LIST?
15. Did I bring my phone?
16. I want to ride those display bicycles.
17. Why is my cart squeaking?
18. Okay, time to check out, I’ve been here too long.
19. Why did I grab Twinkies AND Devil Dogs?
20. So, which line looks fastest?
21. Far left, far left. ATTACK, ATTACK.
22. Fuck.  I should have gone right.
23. I shouldn’t have spent so much time in the card aisle.  I always get sucked in.
24. Are old people always asking questions about sales?
25. That guy got in line at the same time as me, let’s have a race.
26. He’s totally going to pay before me. Damnit.
27. WHY ARE YOU DOING SEPARATE TRANSACTIONS, WOMAN?
28. Should I switch lines?
29. No, I’m committed now.
30. Do I need a snack while I’m waiting?  I like Reeses.  OH, Butterfingers.
31. I’ll read a magazine.  Is it cheating if I read it but don’t buy it?
32. The stuff on the exit shelves look good, how do I buy that but stay in line?
33. You actually don’t need an inflatable pool to put in your pool, get with it.
34. WHY HAVE I NOT MOVED IN ONE HUNDRED MINUTES?
35. She’s using pennines.  This old woman is paying in pennies.  I hate her.
36. Someone get this woman a debit card!
37. That guy is about to be at the register.  I can totally win this game.
38. Scan away, cashier, scan away.
39. I’ll load up my belongings on the conveyor belt, it will be helpful, and I always dreamed of ringing up items as a cashier when I was a child.
40. Swipe!
41. No thanks, I don’t want my receipt with four items and six thousand miles of coupons.
42. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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What drives YOU insane when you’re shopping?