Snow White got her Prince Charming. Don’t these down to earth dudes deserve a shot at love?
Each week, I’ll be profiling some of the world’s most suitable men. You’ll get the good, the bad, and the ugly on why these guys haven’t been able to hold down a steady girlfriend.
Introducing: Mascot’s Most Eligible Bachelors.
Name: Horatio Magellan Crunch, AKA: Cap’n Crunch
Born: 1963, Crunch Island, Sea of Milk; owns lavish beachfront vacation home at Mount Crunchmore
Occupation: Captain of the S.S. Guppy
Known Enemies: Jean LaFoote
Hobbies: Sailing the open seas
About the Cap’n: Horatio is not your average guy, in fact, he’s pretty darn unique. While most men hold a typical 9-5 job in order to pay the bills, he fantasizes about exploring new lands and setting sail to tropical destinations.
He is on currently the quest to find his first mate. And would love an able bodied seawoman who does not abandon ship due to seasickness, as they will be living aboard the S.S. Guppy while they traverse the globe in search of new ingredients for their cereal.
On his quest for love, Horatio has run into several women who just couldn’t hold his interests. He’s ready for love, and wants to find the anchor to his boat and the wind to his sails.
A perfect date includes a tour of the S.S. Guppy, sailing into the sunset and bonding over a bowl of cereal in the Crow’s Nest. As far as dates go, he’s not too hard to please. He’s willing to dote on his partner and has been known to fly his significant other to his vacation home on Mt. Crunchmore.
The downfall is that he will need a woman who is either committed to waiting for him to return home, or a born sea detective, as he has been lost at sea for twenty-years.