Things That Are More Important Than The Next Royal Baby

Or, if you were alive last week, Angelina Jolie’s wedding dress.  Because that was totally monumental and headline worthy.

Oh no, I hope I didn’t offend anyone.

Aside from real world problems and issues like genocide, civil warfare, and the ongoing conflicts in the Middle East, there are a number of things that are more interesting and relatively important than the soon-to-be birth of the second royal baby.

Plus, we have nine whole months of “baby bump” monitoring before we even see what the thing looks like.  So, instead of getting all your panties in a bunch over Kate Middleton’s fetus, you should maybe table your investment until month eight, and save your sanity.

Here is a list of things that you can do within the next nine months instead of caring about an unborn royal child that isn’t even related to you and never will know who you are in any capacity:


  • Try everything on the Taco Bell breakfast menu
  • Drink infinity magnum bottles of wine
  • Watch most of the CSI reruns on Spike
  • Nap
  • Try lowering America’s obesity problem
  • Learn how not to be socially awkward
  • Figure out how to talk to adults
  • Pay rent on your apartment
  • Take a shower
  • Come up with a word other than ‘baby bump’ to describe pregnancy
  • Make sure you eat three square meals a day
  • Read the entire series of Game of Thrones
  • Then watch the television show to compare plot lines and accuracy
  • Watch three seasons come and go
  • Hike the Appalachian Trail
  • Drive across country
  • Learn to play a new sport
  • Exercise
  • Get someone at an old folks home to remember your name
  • Go back to grade school
  • Grow a plant
  • Break a bone and watch it heal
  • Pick up a skill like basket weaving, knitting, or caring about other people
  • Watch your hair grow out and then chop it off
  • Make a new friend
  • Wait for the new iPhone to come out
  • Learn to type without looking at the keyboard
  • Try as many new restaurants as possible
  • Rearrange all the furniture in your apartment
  • Get pregnant and have a kid you will/should actually care about

… Just some thoughts.